HE-MAN BAT-MAN SUPER-MAN VIKRAMAN

Foundation course

2010-09-03T07:14:00.005+05:30

The foundation course for the 85th batch of IAS/IPS/IFS/IFos started at Lal bahadur shastri academy of administration, Mussorie on 31st August 2010. Her excellency Margaret Alva, governor of uttrakhand had come to inaugurate the course. I am fortunate to undergo the course along with some of the most intelligent and compassionate youngmen and women of our country.

I must say that each of my batchmates here have something unique about them and are a source of inspiration. I would like to write about a gentleman with whom I had gone for a sightseeing trip around mussorie. He hails from a small village and had started his career as a sub-inspector. However, he always had a burning desire to crack civil services. Despite his hectic schedule of 12 hours of taxing duty, he would come home and prepare for the exam. He cracked the exam in his very first attempt hitting the bulls eye and is now an IAS officer. He will remain a source of inspiration to me and for many people for a long time to come.

A new journey

2010-08-12T23:26:00.004+05:30

Finally, after having cleared the civil services exam 2009 with all India rank 84, I have got my service allocation today. I have got into the Indian Police Service, which was my first choice. I decided to enter the civil services in 2005 after an incident involving my mother. A gang of robbers had broken into my house and looted everything after assaulting my mother. Although they were caught by the police and were punished in the court, I felt the police could have been much more efficient. I wanted to do more than just being cynical about our system and resigned my lucrative job to prepare for the civil services. I followed the Mahatma's saying "Be the change you want to see in this world".

In retrospect, I feel happy that my hardwork has paid off. However, this is just the beginning. There is no end to what an IPS officer, or for that matter any civil servant, can do to bring in a positive change to this society.

I hope this journey would be a fulfilling experience for me and for the people I serve.

V. Vikraman I.P.S.,

Personal effectiveness scale

2010-04-26T22:25:00.006+05:30

We had a training session on "accepting ownership" at my office. we were asked to fill a sheet as a part of that training, I felt I should post it for everyone's benefit.

The instrument is for your own benefit, so be frank in your responses.

Read each statement below and indicate how much it is true of your behaviour, by using the following guidelines.

Write 4: If it is most characteristic of you, or if you always or most often behave or feel this way.

Write 3: If it is fairly true of you, or you quite often behave or feel this way.

Write 2: If it is somewhat true in your case.

Write 1: If it is not true of you, or if you only occasionally feel or behave this way.

Write 0: If it is not at all characteristic of you, or you seldom feel or behave this way.

1. I find it difficult to be frank with people unless I know them very well.

2. I listen carefully to others' opinions about my behaviour.

3. I tend to say things that turn out to be out to place.

4. Generally, I hesitate to express my feelings to others.

5. When someone directly tells me how he feels about my behaviour, I tend to close up and stop listening.

6. On hindsight, I regret why i said something tactlessly.

7. I express my opinions in a group or to a person without hesitation.

8. I take steps to find out how my behaviour has been perceived by the person with whom I have been interacting.

9. I deliberately observe how a person will take what I am going to tell him, and accordingly communicate to him.

10. When someone discusses his problems, I do not spontaneously share my experiences and personal problems, of a similar nature with him.

11. If someone criticizes me, I hear him at that time but- do not bother myself about it later.

12. I fail to pick up cues about others' feelings and reactions when i am involved in an argument or conversation.

13. I enjoy talking with others about my personal concerns and matters.

14. I value what people have to say about my style, behaviour etc

15. I am often surprised to discover (or told) that people were put off, bored or annoyed when I thought they were enjoying interacting with me.

Score sheet

For the questions that have Star(*) symbol in the response table below, use the table to reverse your response. For example, if you had originally indicated '4' as your response, look at the table and put '0' beside it. For other questions (non starred) simply write the number you had originally indicated as response to that question.

TABLE

Original responses

Reversed responses

0

4

1

3

2

2

3

1

4

0

Now, lets go to the response table. Write your response and calculate the totals for each response column.

Item

Response

Item

Response

Item

Response

*1

2

*3

*4

*5

*6

7

8

9

*10

*11

*12

13

14

*15

Total

Self disclosure

Openness to feedback

Perceptiveness

B. Write Low(L) or High(H) for each of these three total scores; If the score is 11 or below, write L; if the score is over 11 write H.

Mark one category out of the eight given below, based on the combination of your totals. This is your effectiveness type.

Category	Self-disclosure	openness to feedback	Perceptiveness
Effective	High	High	High
Insensitive	High	High	Low
Egocentric	High	Low	Low
Dogmatic	High	Low	High
Secretive	Low	High	High
Task-obsessed	Low	High	Low
Lonely Empathic	Low	Low	High
Ineffective	Low	Low	Low

In the table where you have filled in values (after reversing), prepare an action plan for scores equal to or below 2 to improve your behaviour and become more effective.

Is India really a 'soft' state?

2010-01-14T22:21:00.004+05:30

One of my friends sent me an email which had compared the military prowess of China with that of India. The email tried to prove that India is not prepared to face a threat emanating from Beijing, and this is evident from India’s ‘soft pedaling’ every issue of strategic importance. There have been many instances in the past which are quoted to say that India is a ‘soft’ state which hesitates to take stern action even when its interests are at stake.

The exchange of terrorists for the hostages of the hijacked Indian plane in 1999, muted response towards Pakistan in the aftermath of the 26/11 Mumbai attacks where some prominent persons wanted India to go in for an all out war against Pakistan and ‘finish them off’, the recent LTTE episode when India did not take sides are shown as some examples of the ‘spinelessness’ of the Indian establishment.

However, in my opinion nothing can be farther from truth. India has shown exemplary bravery and heroism in the International affairs where it really mattered. The following arguments would prove the point.

India and NAM

During the cold war era, when country after country was aligning with either USA or USSR, it required a lot of guts from a third world country to stay away from any of these groups. Not only did India stay away from either of the camps, it was the founding member of the NAM (Non-aligned movement) where it sought to bring together a third non-aligned world.

India and the Bangladesh liberation war

India has not only protected her interests – such as during the kargil conflict, but has also protected the interests of her neighbours. It is a known fact that the people of East Pakistan (now Bangladesh) had been treated like second class citizens in their own country. For instance, When the Awami league (a major party in east pakistan) led by sheikh mujibur rahman won a landslide victory in the national elections of 1970, he was not allowed to form the government and the elections were cancelled. Not only this, the Pakistani army launched large scale genocide against its own people in East Pakistan (operation searchlite).

Despite the weighing international opinion against India to do anything ‘adventurous’, India did intervene and liberated her brothers in East Pakistan from the tyranny and thus was born the state of Bangladesh.

India and Afghanistan

After the ‘war against terror’ launched in 2001 by the United States, Afghanistan has turned into a hot bed for terrorism with most terrorist attacks around the world being planned there. Many developed countries such as Australia, Canada, and Germany to name a few, which had initially sent their armies to fight the Taliban have pulled out of Afghanistan because the situation is getting too dangerous for their armies!

India on the other hand, has sought to strengthen the nascent democracy that has replaced the Taliban by building crucial infrastructure facilities. For instance, India is building the parliamentary complex of Afghanistan, it has built many schools. The crucial delaram-zaranj highway (also known as the Garland highway) which will serve as the life line of Afghanistan has been built by India and dedicated to the people of Afghanistan. However, it is not without the loss of lives and property that India has accomplished this feat. Many of our engineers and workers were kidnapped by the Taliban and beheaded. There were attacks against the Indian embassy at Kabul which resulted in the killing of two Indian diplomats. These attacks were made to warn India not to proceed with these projects. However, India stood by its resolve to help the people of Afghanistan. India has always been decisive where it matters.

Nuclear testing

If India were really a ‘soft’ state, it would have accepted the dictates of the west and stayed away from testing nuclear bombs. India considered that testing the nukes was in the best interests of its national security, considering the stockpiling of nuclear bombs by her neighbouring china. This is why it went ahead, despite the whole world crying foul, and tested not once but twice during 1974 (Operation smiling budhdha) and in 1998 (Operation shakti). Is this an act of bravery or cowardice?

NPT regime

The NSG (Nuclear suppliers group ) which was formed soon after India tested a nuclear bomb in 1974, sought to ‘contain’ India’s rise in the domain of nuclear self-sufficiency. The NPT (nuclear non proliferation treaty) was prepared exclusively to keep many developing countries in their ‘cage’. Although initially many countries resisted this attempt, they could not hold on for long. India is among the three countries of the entire world which has not signed the NPT.

India has recently got an exemption from the NSG which was largely facilitated by the 123 agreement it signed with USA. It must be remembered that India is the ONLY country in the world which has been given this full exemption. This means that India can get nuclear fuel without having to accept debilitating conditions which would come along with signing the NPT. Is this not a victory for our diplomacy? Isn’t this steadfast attitude to preserve our sovereignty an example of our courage?

G20 and WTO

Since the inception of WTO, the developed countries have been forcing the developing block to open up their agriculture market for imports. However, this would mean destruction of the livelihoods of many poor farmers in the developing block. India has led the G20 forum in the WTO and has successfully voiced the concerns of the developing nations, even if it meant rubbing the developed nations in the wrong way. In fact it is largely through India’s efforts in the Doha development round of 2001 that special and differential treatment (S&DT) was given to least developed nations (LDCs). This S&DT clause provides the LDCs with the allowance of exporting their produces to the rich nations without any upper limit. Also, their exports would be exempt from duties or would be nominal. This shows that India not only has the capacity to safeguard itself, but also provide leadership to other nations. India’s leadership to the poor nations proves that a hundred cows led by a lion is better than a hundred lions led by a cow.

Military strength

India has successfully crossed many technology denials. USA stopped Russia from exporting cryogenic engine technology to India in 1993. USA expected India to fall in line and open up its markets. However India took the challenge and has successfully developed its own indigenous cryogenic engine. It took almost 10 years to develop the technology, but then nothing is as important as protecting our national interests.

India has successfully developed the Brahmos supersonic cruise missile along with Russia, which is the fastest missile in the world. Recently, India inducted the Arihant nuclear powered submarine and entered the elite list of nations possessing this technology. Creating a miniaturized nuclear reactor and running it in deep water were not easy, especially because the technology had to be developed indigenously.

Representation to the voiceless

Incidents such as the Tiennamen square incident of 1989 remind us how governments can turn against its own people. However, India has always sought to provide representation to its people. When the west was contemplating on providing voting rights to its women, India stunned the world in 1947 with the declaration of universal adult franchise. Democracy was considered a joke with a teeming population of poor and illiterate people. However till this day, our democracy is alive and vibrant. Do china and Pakistan have true democracy? Is the media free in these countries? Does it not require more guts to provide people with freedom than to take it away from them?

India’s very first constitutional amendment act was aimed at providing representation to the scheduled castes and scheduled tribes. Compare this with other countries which have sought to eliminate their minorities and the oppressed.

India has been maintaining its true identity in the world. India does not openly flex muscles and try to show its prowess like china. However, our non-violence is not that of a coward, but of the strong. Despite the legacy of colonialism, burden of poverty, scar of partition, India will remain committed to non-violence and therein lays our strength.

Affordable Indian Marriages

2010-01-02T23:15:00.002+05:30

Dear Reader,

Finally, I have decided to do the same mistake many men have committed over many centuries - Marry. Yet, I would like to do my small bit in changing the present system of getting married in our country. Every system requires overhauling, and I think it's time certain irrelevant practices in our wedding ceremonies were changed for better.

I have created a document which I plan to give along with my wedding invitation. The idea was to write a simple, short, yet effective write-up of the evil that surrounds our Indian weddings. I had already shared this with my close set of friends and with their inputs i believe this document has become a lot better. Now i plan to keep it in the public domain so that i can hear your comments as well.

Instead of giving printouts along with invitation, i plan to provide hand-written copies. This way we can provide a sense of participation to those who are convinced by this idea.

Here is the link http://docs.google.com/View?id=ddvnqzsv_4hmst3dff

Regards

Vikraman

Likes and Dislikes – Bagavad gita and love marriages

2009-11-29T02:54:00.002+05:30

As a sequel to my post on Bagavad Gita, I thought I would extend the discussion on looking beyond the ephemeral body, to human relationships. In an era of consumerism we find people developing strong likes and dislikes, but likes and dislikes are themselves false. Consider for example cigarette smoking –people who love to smoke enjoy the habit, while there are others who can’t stand its nauseating smell. How is it that the same cigarette induces happiness in some and misery in others? Similarly, we find many divorcees remarrying, how is it that someone hated this person so much to warrant a divorce while someone else wanted to tie the nuptial knot? This clearly shows that likes and dislikes are born out of our senses and thus have nothing to do with the object that is being liked or disliked. Like our senses they are also temporary and are subject to change over time. What we like today, we may hate tomorrow. Therefore, likes and dislikes are attributes of an immature mind.

However, we find in the modern times that people have been increasing their baggage of likes and dislikes. It is very common find people waiting for someone with “similar tastes (likes)” to marry. If they do find such a person with a similar baggage of likes and dislikes they feel excited in finding a ‘true’ life partner. But since this association rests on a false foundation, it crumbles soon and the relationship ends. This is perhaps why majority of the marriages in western nations fail, as they are founded on false reasons such as ‘similar tastes’, ‘my kind of person’ etc.

I think the arranged marriage system in India must be rooted in the gita. In this system, you marry a person chosen by elders, sometimes without even speaking a word before marriage. Marriage in Indian culture is more out of the need to perform one’s karma yoga – that of being a ‘grahastha’( raising a family ) than out of living ‘happily ever after’ with a person of similar likes and dislikes - That’s probably why it didn’t matter whom they married. However since the situation is changing now with more ‘love’ (similar likes) marriages, the number of divorce cases are also increasing.

One of my friends, member of a certain spiritual organization, told me about a unique way of getting married in his society. The boys and girls who want to get married are randomly chosen and their marriage is performed immediately afterwards. Surprisingly, the success rate of this system of marriage is phenomenally high. Though I was astonished then, somehow it is all starting to make sense now – the ‘unique’ system is after all our arranged marriage system with a different name.

Dr Jayprakash Narayan - RTC on parlimanetary affairs

2009-11-24T23:50:00.006+05:30

Hi all,

I felt i had to post this video series in my blog. Dr J.P is a man of substance, and has pragmatic solutions to most problems affecting the Indian polity. He has had 16 years of experience in the Indian Administrative Service (IAS). He quit his prestigious job and founded the Loksatta organisation which fights for reforms in politics. Like Aruna Roy who fought for bringing in the RTI act, Dr J.P's organisation can be credited with making the declaration of assets by politicians compulsory.

Presently Dr J.P is an MLA from the Kukatpally constituency in Andhra Pradesh. I'm happy to find people of his caliber entering politics.

Here are the videos..

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Power of Language

2009-11-04T12:09:00.001+05:30

Former President of India Dr. Abdul Kalam on “Power of Language”

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did he understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he also understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always hyper-active - climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down.

So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize that the branch could break and I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My cousin was also hanging upside down from another branch of the same tree, at about ten feet below me. Her mother also noticed us at the same time my dad did.

About that time a strong gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves starting to rattle and the tree beginning to sway heavily. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Hey, hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard my cousin screaming at the top of her lungs, and the next moment lying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when her mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And she did fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind will have a very difficult time processing a negative image. In order for my cousin to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something.

When I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most would release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said “try” to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Now they would pick up the pencil and seem to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain “to fail”. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you short-charging yourself with toxic self-talk like, "I'm fat. Nobody likes me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

Here is a list of toxic vocabulary words. Watch out when you or other people use them.

But: Negates any words that are stated before it.

Try: Presupposes failure.

If: Presupposes that you may not.

Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.

Would have / Should have: Draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.

Could Have: Draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.

Can't / Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage this linguistic error can cause.

Karma Yoga -The art of doing action

2009-07-08T23:53:00.003+05:30

I attended Swami Parthasarthy’s lecture on chapter V of the Bagavad Gita on Karma yoga and Gnyana Yoga -“The yoga of action and renunciation”. I feel it is my duty to write a summary of the four days of lecture for the benefit of all.

Kindly read my previous post on the Significance of idol worship before you read this one.

Atma- Body difference

As I mentioned in my previous post, most people do not understand the difference between Atma and body. Atma is permanent while the body is perishable. Atma is what enables the eye to see but it cannot be seen, it enables the ear to hear but it cannot be heard, it enables the mind to conceive but it cannot be conceived. Atma is a dispassionate witness to all our actions. It is the cause and not the effect. It is like the petrol in a car- the petrol causes the car to move, but it can neither be blamed for the accident nor praised for the safe arrival of the car.

Bagavad gita says the entire purpose of one’s life is to understand the atma and concentrate on it always. One must derive all happiness from inside (from the atma), than from the outside (the external environment). Bagavad gita goes on to say that the happiness one derives from touch, smell, sight, and through other sensory perceptions are nothing but wombs of sorrow.

The reason is not hard to see, for the happiness one derives from the outside is not permanent. As an example, let’s say someone starts smoking a cigarette for happiness. The first cigarette one smokes no doubt gives him happiness, yet the next day in order to get the same level of happiness he may have to smoke two cigarettes instead of one. This slowly increases in number and finally the person finds himself smoking one whole packet. After reaching this stage, the person smokes not because it gives him happiness, but because he feels miserable if he does not smoke. At this point the person is said to have become neutralised to smoking. This is the characteristic of all things that cause addiction. Consuming an addictive substance does not give happiness, but abstaining from it results in sorrow.

If I ask someone whether he enjoys breathing oxygen he would think I’m being stupid, but if I forcibly close the nostrils and suffocate him, he wouldn’t mind giving me his entire wealth just for drawing some air. Similarly we do not enjoy seeing normal things, but we would feel miserable when our eyes are tied even for a minute. You can see for yourself that our senses have the same characteristic of an addictive substance. Any enjoyment derived out of these senses, cannot be permanent and soon you’d get neutralised to that object that is causing you happiness. This is why you must derive your happiness from within and not from outside.

How do we attain the knowledge of the atma ?

Bagavad Gita prescribes two ways of realising the atma –Karma yoga (through action) and Gnyana yoga (through renunciation). Among the two the first one, Karma yoga is simple and can be followed by everyone. Gnyana yoga requires one to control the senses before attempting to realise the atma. In fact, Lord Krishna himself prescribes Karma yoga to Arjuna, to realise his atma.

Karma Yoga – The art of doing action

The nature has given the animals a blue print which they follow without fail. You do not find one tiger in nature that eats grass, nor do you find a cow that eats meat. Animals in the forest are neither overweight nor underweight. Human beings on the contrary have the power to make choices. But on what basis do we make those choices? Karma yoga clarifies this doubt.

All actions can be classified into three categories –Selfish, unselfish, and selfless. Those actions which are done for our selves are called selfish actions, while those that are done for others are called unselfish actions. Bagavad gita says that the best form of action is neither of these two - It prescribes Selfless action. Selfless actions are those that are performed neither for us nor for others. Selfless action is performed when we don’t think of the benefactor. Can any action be performed that way? You’d be surprised to know that all actions in nature are selfless actions. The Nightingale sings neither for itself nor for you. Similarly the sun shines neither for itself nor for you.

You can be a plumber, carpenter, Engineer, or a Doctor, whoever you are, if you can do your action without thinking of who is going to benefit from it, you’re a Karma Yogi. Doing action for the sake of action is the message of Karma yoga. If action is performed in this way, it results in excellence and more importantly it relives the Karma yogi from the bondages of this world. This type of action enables him to realise his atma and attain eternal happiness.

Most of the problems in this world are caused because of searching for happiness from outside. Instead of thinking of the evenness in objects, we’re worrying more on the differences between objects. A small car may seem incomparable to the grandeur of a sedan, but if one realises it is the same fuel that drives both, then it would be easy to see the evenness in both. Likewise, if one understands that all living beings are made of atma, it would be far easier to see through the perishable body and appreciate the evenness. One who sees the evenness in all objects and sees success and failure pass by without being bothered by them, the Gita says, stops going through the cycle of birth and death. He is the one who has realised his atma.

Significance of Idol Worship - from Bagavad Gita

2009-07-05T21:59:00.005+05:30

I’m listening to Shri Velukudi Krishnan’s upanyasam (commentary) on Bagavad Gita. I am thoroughly enjoying the experience. I started listening to Bagavad gita to find out for myself whether our Hindu culture is really as backward in thinking as the present generation makes it out to be. For instance, I believe that life is short and each minute is precious, that’s why this moment is called “present”. Is it correct to brand certain times as “good” and certain others as “bad”? Bagavad Gita has answered most of my doubts and now I know that these irrational things being said in the name of culture or religion have no sanction of the ‘Gita’. In fact I feel Bagavad Gita is a practical cook book for youngsters like us. It is a philosophy for the strong, not for the weak.

On Idol worship

Right from the time a man wakes up in the morning till the time he retires to sleep, he performs such acts that satisfy his senses – Eating, working for money in order to buy things, studying for sharpening his mind etc. However the senses which are part of the human body are bound to die one day or the other. A life which is entirely devoted to satisfying senses, which will perish someday, cannot be meaningful.

Such a person slowly forgets that ‘atma’ and body are different. The Gita says that atma has no death. Atma takes a body and when the body dies, the atma takes another one- Atma is eternal while the body is ephemeral.

In order to understand the atma-body distinction, one has to reduce the addiction to senses. If the senses are muted, then one would be able to give ample time to contemplate on the atma.

Senses can be controlled if they are focused on an object. If you can keep all your senses on an object and enjoy the object and nothing else in this world, your senses will automatically be controlled. Bagavad Gita says that such an object which has the power to control your senses in the lords ‘deham’ (idol).

Why can’t other objects serve the same purpose?

Bagavad Gita says that all men and objects in this world have 3 qualities attached with them – Satva, Rajas, Tamas. The satva quality is the best of all. This quality enables a man to work with the highest order of intellect without wanting anything for himself. The selfless action is the hall mark of the satva quality. The Rajas quality signifies intelligence but with some degree of selfishness. People with Rajas quality don’t involve themselves in any action, if there is nothing in it for them. The Tamas quality signifies low intellect, people with this quality can’t think and act on their own and need to be told what to do. Among the above three qualities Satva is the most desirable.

However, all objects in this world have all of the above qualities in varying amounts. This is why when you keep your senses on these worldly objects, your senses don’t get controlled for although they have a percentage of the Satva quality, the Rajas and Tamas qualities associated with them prevent your senses from being controlled. Only the God’s deham (idol) is entirely made of satva quality, and it is the only one which has the power to control your senses and make you understand the distinction between atma and body.

Once a man understands the distinction between atma and body, he becomes fearless for he does not care for his body anymore. Neither does he care for the results of his action for he knows that the atma does not care whether you succeed or fail in your action. For example, for an atma that would occupy the body of a cow later, it does not matter whether the body that it occupies now passes or fails an examination. The person who has understood the distinction between body and atma lives like a lotus in a pond. The lotus is born in the pond, it lives in the pond and dies in the pond, but it does not get attached with even a drop of water. Likewise, a man may be born in this world, live in this world, and die in this world, yet if he understands the distinction between atma and body, he can live without being bonded with it. Their in lies eternal happiness –Bliss.

Once it is understood that one’s action should not be directed at satisfying the body and that the atma is not affected by the results of one’s action, it is logical to study how to act in the first place. In my next post, I will discuss Karma yoga – The art of doing action.

Candle light vigil for our heores, at chennai -video

2009-07-04T17:42:00.002+05:30

check out the video we shot at Marina Beach on December 7,2008.

Candle light vigil for our heores, at chennai

2009-03-20T00:00:00.011+05:30

We had a candle light vigil for our security men who put down their lives to save us during the Mumbai terror attack. These are some pictures from the event. The vigil was organised on December 7, 2008 at Marina beach. I'm posting the photos a little late, but better late than never.

Steps to tackle Terrorism

2009-02-24T00:47:00.007+05:30

Finally, Pakistan has agreed that it’s ‘soil was used’ in planning the Mumbai attack. I’m sure they will ultimately agree that it was planned and executed from Pakistan. Absolving itself from the terrorist attack was stupid in the first place. It is like farting in a swimming pool and denying it, though you may not agree, the evidence is there for all to see.

Notwithstanding the wishes of many nations around the world, Pakistan cannot be asked to stop all its terrorism related activities at once. For Terrorism contributes significantly to Pakistan’s GDP. Under the ‘Terrorism sector’ come some vital components such as – foreign exchange earnt through illegal export of technology (nuclear and other), foreign exchange through Al-qaeda’s operations in its western border, money earnt through illegal sale of opium trade by Taliban which has its new base in NWFP(North West Frontier Province in Pakistan), remittances from Pakistani terrorists abroad etc.

Managing the international border with such a neighbour is no joke. A clever tactic needs to be employed by our politicians and diplomats. War is definitely not the solution – not just because it leads to collateral damage, but such a threat would fail to scare them. War mongers don’t get scared by a threat of war, in fact they become happy. If they can plan the ‘Mumbai attack’ before finding the assassins of their ex-prime minister, what else are they?

I didn’t intend to make this post sound sarcastic, but I couldn’t help it. We (Indians) are anguished by the Mumbai terror attack. The kind of public response that followed must have convinced everyone that Indians hadn’t forgotten to unite at the time of crisis –something our grandfathers learnt while fighting the British. The public response was spontaneous, widespread, and included all sections of the society. By the way, it also ended the careers of some politicians in the country

Pakistan

of today poses a big threat to the peace and tranquility of all nations around the world. The state has accepted the Taliban’s hold in the swat valley and has given them the control of judiciary. From now, terrorists will dispense justice to people, instead of the government. Ever heard of such a thing? Why does

Pakistan

want our Kashmir valley, so that they can convert it to another swat valley?

If we have to examine why

Pakistan

has reached where it has, we have to go back to the pre-independence era to analyse the circumstances that justified its creation.

Pakistan

was conceptualized on a false premise that the political and economic interests of Hindus and Muslims were separate. This notion is unscientific because religion cannot be the basis of political and economic interests or of political groupings.

Mohammed Ali jinnah in his maiden presidential address to the constituent assembly of Pakistan said “…If you change your past and work together in a spirit that everyone of you, no matter to what community he belongs, no matter what relations he had with you in the past, no matter what is his colour, caste or creed, is first, second and last a citizen of this State with equal rights, privileges, and obligations, there will be on end to the progress you will make.” Basically, he was trying to put back the genie into the bottle, which he had helped to let out earlier. It was the same man who had earlier remarked “I alone with the help of my secretary and type-writer won Pakistan for Muslims”.

India

has the 3^rd largest Muslim population in the world – after

Indonesia

and

Pakistan

. I can say with confidence that Muslims in

India

are much more secure (we don’t attack our girls attending schools with acid) and prosperous than the citizens of

Pakistan

. It is ironical because

Pakistan

was founded to further the interests of Muslims, as it was felt that it could not be done in a Hindu majority country.

India

, we have always hailed our citizens for their good work –without any bias for their religion. Many of our citizens who happen to be Muslims have reached highest constitutional positions in our country. Examples are plenty, from Maulana abul kalam azad (our noted education minister) to APJ Abdul kalam (our ex-president). At the time of composing this post, entire

India

is jubilant and in a celebration mode for the oscar award that our musician AR Rahman has won. In fact even in a fanatic sport like cricket, we have had many Muslim cricketers who have led

India

– such as Mansoor ali khan pataudi, Mohammed Azharuddin.

How does

Pakistan

treat its minorities (Hindus in Pakistan)? The percentage of minorities has been declining in

Pakistan

since its independence, as they are being forcibly converted to the state religion of Islam. On the other hand, in

India

the percentage of Hindus (the majority religion) has been declining. This clearly shows that Indian society is much more liberal and tolerant than that of

Pakistan

. Indians are free to convert and profess any religion they want.

However critics may point out the Babri masjid demolition as an example of religious intolerance in

India

. No doubt, demolition of the Masjid is a black mark on the Hindu-Muslim unity in

India

. I really hope some government in the future constructs a new mosque in the site. However it is also true that destruction of temples in

Pakistan

is an every-day event. The destruction of Ramna kali mandir and Dhakeswari temple are glaring examples. In 2006, a hindu temple in Lahore was demolished to make way for a multi-storied commercial building. As far as religious intolerance is concerned, what is exception in India is the norm in Pakistan.

Having said all this, I still consider Pakistanis as my brothers who had severed their relations with us because of some misunderstanding. Indians can equate themselves more with Pakistanis than with the British or Americans even today. Our lives had evolved together since the times of Indus valley civilization, Mughal rule, and continued till the occupation of the British. It was the clever “divide and rule” policy of the British that we succumbed to. We had been naïve not to have understood the implications of certain poisonous acts of the British -such as the Partition of Begal in 1905 which created a Muslims majority province of East Bengal, and the Morley-Minto Act of 1909 which provided separate electorates for Muslims. I dream of the day when India and Pakistan would again become one-nation. That day, with our combined strength, we will crush our common enemies. We could make Taliban-juice and fertilise our dry lands.

Being Gay

2009-02-11T02:05:00.006+05:30

After reading the following post, you might conclude that I could have avoided this controversial title. Yet, if you acknowledge the fact that making people visit your blog requires some advertisement, you wouldn’t complain. : - )

This post is about the growing ‘pink slips’ being given to employees of private organization due to the economic recession which is evidenced worldwide. If we were to analyze where the “global meltdown” started, we might point our fingers to the bankruptcy of some of the premier financial institutions, much more fundamental reason would be the sub-prime crisis. These financial institutions failed miserably because they had invested huge sums of money and bought the sub-prime mortgage loans. More concrete than that would be the stupidity of the banks in lending huge sums of money to people who had no means to return them, in the hope of increasing their profits with their money which was lying idle. If we have to sum up all of this and say it in one word, we have to choose “Greed” to describe it rightly.

One of the immediate consequences of an economic slowdown is layoffs. The person who is shown the door may not be responsible for the plight of the company, in most cases like the recent crisis he may not even know the cause completely, yet he is asked to go! What could be the rationale behind the indiscriminate firing adopted by the companies whenever even the slightest of economic troubles crop up? We can accept layoffs as a last minute resort under unavoidable circumstances, but one cannot understand why they are being used as the first method to deal with financial instabilities.

The reason is not hard to find out. These companies don’t think they are dealing with human beings, for them you’re a “human resource”. You’re one of the most dispensable of the resources available to a company, unlike the physical resources like buildings, land etc. The “human resources” in a private company don’t form workers’ union and it becomes so easy to get them out without fearing a backlash. Also, when good times come and if it is required to acquire some of these “resources” to make more money, they are easily available in the market. This is the understanding that the companies have of a warm blooded human being like you and me.

Once hired, maximum ‘throughput’ has to be obtained from the “resource”. This can be done only when the “resource” is engaged for 12-14 hours a day (sometimes even longer). But how does this affect the human being? Bangalore may be the software capital of India, but did you know it is also the divorce capital and the suicide capital of India? The city has got this distinction only after it witnessed the software boom. The work conditions in a private company are not different from the ones that existed in the days of Industrial revolution in Britain. Plainly put, it is extortion. The glittery office cubicles, swimming pools, gym, that these companies show to prove their commitment to the workforce are in reality a clever idea designed in some management book to motivate the “human resources” in order to obtain maximum throughput. It is like playing music to a milch cow to make it yield more milk.

Most software companies in India resorted to “preemptive” firing because they wanted to meet their financial targets for the year set by their board. It is a fact that most of the companies that resorted to layoffs posted profits. What does it indicate? It shows desperation on the part of the companies to keep the investors (share holders) happy. Unless the investors are happy, the share prices will not remain high in the stock exchanges. Thus the companies are ready to keep the unseen and ever-changing investor happy (since the shares change hands frequently) , by resorting to cost cutting by removing the “human resources” who have worked for long hours every day, without complaining and at the cost of their own personal lives. However, the companies know that they have to conceal this opportunism and turn GAY. They fire their resources citing “under performance”, this reason cannot be contested in any court and is highly subjective, which makes it easy for the companies to get rid of an employee. If it is true that suddenly so many “resources” have turned under performers then shouldn’t the HR department be sacked en masse for recruiting them? Was it hatching eggs when the said underperformers were hired, made permanent after the initial period, being given an increment in their salaries, given promotions, given merit certificates appreciating their good work?

This forces us to analyse some philosophical issues. Why do we need development and to whom should it be directed? Is it for giving means to people so that they will be empowered, or is it simply for acquiring more wealth for the sake of wealth? What is the point in making money by pushing people into poverty? It is like winning wars by killing lakhs of men and pushing thousands of families into sorrow. What is the point in denying hundreds of human beings their happiness, and design an electronic gadget that promises its holders exactly the same?

Though many of us feel strongly about these issues, we hold back and don’t express them because of the fear of being prosecuted. We must know the rights guaranteed to us by our constitution. I know that I enjoy the ‘Right to freedom of speech and expression’ guaranteed under Article 19-1(a) of my constitution. If someone asks me to shut up, I know I can directly approach the Supreme Court, the highest court in the land, under Article 32, for the infringment of my Fundamental Right. Most of us may be professional graduates, yet when it comes to knowing our rights and fighting the bully, we are no different from the people who were subjugated to slavery. “Our lives begin to end the day, when we remain silent about things that matter” – Martin Luther king.

The day we know our rights, we will turn human beings from human resources.

Politics for dummies

2008-11-10T22:23:00.007+05:30

I have given the wannabe politicians of this country, who must be in their mid-twenties and thirties, a list of ideas which have provided their earnest followers with rich dividends. If you want to climb to the top of the political hierarchy, you must diligently follow one approach and you shall be rightly rewarded in the ballot box.

Before I give you the list, here are a few things you must know about the electorate and in general about the people of this country.

1. They are down right selfish, what else do you expect in a resource constrained environment? They praise you when you give them concessions and hate you when you don’t. (Didn’t you see Mr.Bainsla - the gujjar head, who spoke so much against Ms Vasundhara Raje saluting her when she announced concessions to his community?)

2. People Identify themselves more with their language, religion, caste, and other such groupings. The Indian identity is reserved for India-Pakistan cricket match.

3. People don’t understand economics. They can’t appreciate when you fix the budget deficit, fiscal deficit of the country or set right the Balance of payment there by putting the economy back on rails. They respond better when you give them free TVs, free electricity, fertilizer, waive their loans etc

4.They are emotional. This is an unique characteristic of the Indian population. They vote for you if you lose someone in your family or meet with an accident. Many elections are announced when such mishaps happen –Mr.Chandrababu naidu knows it better.

If you understand the above concepts, it will not be tough to lap up the following recommendations to attract the electorate.

1. Pro-linguistic drama.

a) You could be a person who cannot pronounce many words right in your language (forget the writing part). Yet, you must send your party men (rowdies) and threaten the commercial establishments to replace their name boards from English to local language within a given time. It may make your already tourist-unfriendly state worse but don’t worry, foreigners don’t vote in our elections.

b) You can conduct a one-day fast to “pressurise” the centre to recognize your language as a classical language. You don’t need to know what that status means for your language, but be sure to rush before someone else takes it up.

c) Thackeryism. This is a proven strategy wherein you ask people who don’t speak your language in your region to get out so that the sons of the soil can get that job. Though the very jobs you want “your people” to get are themselves snatched from sons of the foreign soil, no one will question you about it. People can’t think that far.

2. Pro-culture drama

a) Suddenly, you can appoint yourself the custodian of our Indian culture. Ask the bar-dancers to stop or risk being prosecuted, close down the bars by 11pm, give the police an additional job of moral policing, and you’ll surely strike a chord with the majority. You can email Mr.R.R.Patil (Home minister of Maharashtra) to understand the nuances better.

b) Anti-Love. Select such men and women in the society who couldn’t find a person in the opposite sex to have fun or the ones who have a skewed opinion about the opposite sex, love and life in general. Recruit them into your party and these guys will “protect the culture” really well by chasing away couples from parks during Lovers day and by damaging the shops that sell greeting cards for lovers.

3. Anti-Muslim/ Pro Muslim

Look, the society is made of many fools who cannot see the virtues of the secular values enshrined in our constitution. Interestingly, though sacred texts like the “Bagavad Gita” asks its followers to see only god in all things -living and non-living, and enunciates the concept of ‘oneness’ in all beings, there are many misguided youngsters in India (both Hindu and Muslim), who miss this truth. You can harness this to your advantage depending on whether Muslims are in majority/minority in your region. Accordingly, you can ask them to “go to their country”, or give them reservations and appoint a worthless committee for their upliftment (like the Rajinder Sachar committee).

4. Anti-Industrialisation (pseudo pro-farmer)

You can threaten the industrialist who invests in your region with dire consequences if he doesn’t do “justice” for the farmers and block him from doing business. You don’t even have to tell him what will amount to doing justice. If you’re forced, then you could ask for something impossible which will eventually send the poor guy packing. Though the people of that town may dislike you or even hate you, you can be sure of votes in the larger level. This brand of politics off late is also knows as “MamataLitics”. More commonly this is the strategy followed by Indian communists who seek to achieve equality in the society by bringing the rich to the level of the poor.

5 .Support for strikes

When a bunch of government employees go on a strike, usually in protest of being asked to move their lazy bums and do some work, you could “be with them” and support their rightful demands. Though it has the risk of inviting the public ire, you can trust the public memory for being short. Moreover it can win you chunks of votes from trade unions.

I hope with that, I have sown the seeds of the next generation of politicians in this country ;) I invite my visitors to give more ideas to the budding leaders.

DARE TO THINK BEYOND MEDIOCRITY?

2008-07-04T23:45:00.003+05:30

It is irritating to see full page advertisements of management schools wooing prospective candidates to join their institutes. Everyone, including the person who occupies half the page of the advertisement, knows its all for the money. Why then drag premier institutes like IIMs and IITs into it?

First of all these institutes don’t have any entrance examination worth the name. Anybody who can pay the fee they demand can secure a seat in these institutes - and they have the audacity to ask you to “dare to think beyond the IIMs and IITs”!

Tell that sick looking man in the ad that an institute doesn’t become famous by promising free laptops to students – by the way those “free” laptops are charged through “invisible” components in the fee structure. Also add to the invisible component charges for “free” trips to Europe.

It is sad that advertisements should rely on women from shaving blades to management institutes. Showing cute women working on laptops, girls and guys playing basketball and hugging each other are aggressive marketing strategies targeting the male crowd.

To satisfy the middle aged parent about the “high standards” of the institute there is a write-up on current national events at the bottom of the advertisement. Such articles are written knowing completely that they won’t be read by anyone. It is this confidence that gives the writer the strength to write whatever he feels like. At best some bored soul may skim through them – yet they find a place in the ad to convey the “seriousness” of the institute in imparting sound education.

It is sad that education should be advertised like a commodity, and I’m not sure if it’s the case with developed countries too. Such advertisements show the failure of the state to regulate the quality of education and provide enough opportunities for students to study. People who brag about the power of privatization, free market policy to solve the problems of the bygone era should learn from this.

World 2050

2008-06-13T00:10:00.003+05:30

I have presented a critique of the world order in the year 2050A.D. This might hurt you more than just a bit if you stand for capitalism, nuclear non-proliferation, market controlled economy and other evil things on earth.

An article from a leading daily in the year 2050 A.D…

Sub-Prime Marriage Crisis rocks the world….(11.06.2050)
Sub-Prime Marriage is a highly complex financial instrument which had entered the stock markets recently. The sub-prime marriage loans were widely given to Americans who wanted to get married without having enough cash on hands to ring their wedding bells. The couples agreed to pay a fixed interest to the bank as long as they stayed in the marriage without getting divorced. However the problem started when the banks lent these loans to unscrupulous couples who had no intention of staying together for long. The banks started making heavy losses when most of the marriages ended in divorce prematurely. This forced the clever banks to shift their losses to the people and markets by making complex instruments called Credit derivative obligations (CDO) out of the pre nuptial agreements.

These ‘sub-prime’ loans were unfortunately given ‘AAA’ (the best rating possible) by the credit rating agencies like the Poor &Very Poor, MoodyRaters and others without reading their recklessly written pre-nuptial agreements. Thus many investors believing them to be promising investments invested their hard earned cash. When the marriage-linked financial instrument started failing, the markets went bearish and the economy went into recession. The Central bank chief Mr. Bumbake urged Americans to stay in their marriage for long to help their country bail out of recession.

The chief of Banks’ association who did not admit that sub-prime Marriage stocks were an example of the failure of Capitalism retorted angrily that it was in fact a different form of socialism in which the ‘profits are privatized while the losses are socialised’.

US prez replies to subprime- Marriage Crisis ( 12.06.2050)
... Uncle Sam blamed the developing nations - especially India and China for the present recession in the world. He pointed out how the people of these two nations were eating a lot which resulted in spiraling of world prices. He also pointed out that the world must learn to live like his countrymen who use minimum resources for their living. When a reporter interrupted the president and informed him that it was his honorable country men who used papers right from sneezing to shitting which caused enormous pressure on the tress of the world, the president cut the reporter short by saying “Those trees are got from Africa where dragons fly and humans don’t live anyway”. He was greeted by a wide round of applause.

The President continued his speech by saying that the hike in world prices of oil is due to the uranium enrichment programme carried out in the ‘secret establishments’ of the oil-and-gas-rich-yet-impoverished state of Mamalia in the sub-saharan Africa. He said Mamalia was posing a grave threat to humanity and it must immediately discontinue its uranium enrichment program. It is pertinent to note that the UN has released its AYCR (As if You Care to Read) document promptly to condemn USA’s intention. The President however asked his army to be ready to save the motherland from the enemy.

Mamalia’s Response (13.06.2050)
The oil-and-gas-rich-yet-impoverished state of Mamalia had replied that its top bureaucrats had heard of the name ‘Uranium’ only once before the US President had accused Mamalia of enriching it -in a spielberg movie. The Mamalian president who had recently won an election without even participating in it angrily shot back at USA by saying ‘USA will bite dust if they war with us’. He admitted that if Mamalia had enough money to buy uranium its citizens would give themselves a good shave everyday.

The Mamalian president replied irritatingly to a question on how he won the election without competing in it by saying “Mamalia has its own form of democracy in which the opponents to the ruling party lose everytime.”

Emergency in Pakistan

2007-11-07T10:55:00.001+05:30

Pakistan has been dragged into an emergency by yet another dictator. That’s not much news, considering the fact that the country's citizens have largely not seen what democracy is after its cessation from India.
However I wouldn't call it a "failed state" or anything like that, because it’s quite simple to write off a country but it’s difficult to set things right. I firmly believe many of Pakistan’s problems such as the Talibanisation of its North West Frontier Province, tribal warlords of Balochistan have solution not in the military might but by enforcing the voter's right.

Emergency: What is it?
I'm not sure when Emergency option was last used for the "right" reason. Let’s first analyse what we mean by Emergency and its effect on the country at large.
Emergency leads to
1. Cancellation of a citizen's Fundamental Rights such as - Right to freedom of expression, to assemble peacefully, to choose a profession of any choice etc
2. It gives ultimate power to the president/head of the executive.
3. Bills are passed without consultation in the legislature.
4. None of the rights can be enforced in the court of law.

Why does a state need this provision?
Emergency is a “necessary evil” for any country. Consider India for example. Being a large country (7th largest in the world) it is divided into states for administrative convenience. All its citizens, irrespective of which state they belong, enjoy the Fundamental rights (articles 13 - 21) as mentioned above modeled along the lines of Bill of Rights of USA. The Indian constitution is common to all, except for J&K which has its Ranbir constitution. However the framers of our constitution felt that there were some contingencies which warranted the country to behave like a unitary state and to restrict the rights given to its citizens. For instance during an Emergency, the state can virtually issue “fatwas” or directions to a citizen. A car manufacturer for example could be forced to produce jeeps which will be more useful to the military, though it is unconstitutional during normal times.

In India emergencies were declared thrice - 1962 war with china, 1971 Bangladesh war, the infamous emergency declared by Indira Gandhi between 1975 and 1977 for which the congress is paying a price to this day. Infact during the emergencies even the Right to life (article 21) was denied to citizens. This means that if a person was shot dead, it could not be heard in any court of law. It was the Janata Government which passed the 44th constitutional amendment act which made Right to life mandatory even during emergencies.

Pakistan’s situation
The military plays a big role in Pakistan. The military has taken to itself even developmental administration. In Pakistan, bridges, roads and other civil establishments are constructed by the military. Military plays the role of a “businessman” without restricting itself to protecting the borders. This situation exists, unfortunately, in many countries of the world say – Fiji, Thailand, Myanmar. In Myanmar the military even calls itself SPDC (state peace development council) and has been ruling since 1990 when it cancelled the elections in which Aung san suu kyi won.

In a country where military has such a pronounced role, coups is only a natural phenomenon. In the countries mentioned above too there have been many coups and are presently ruled by military heads. In such countries a mere change of a military head receives so much attention as compared to large democracies – for instance how many people even took notice of the fact that Gen.Deepak Kapoor replaced Gen.JJ Singh as the new chief of army staff in India? I was happy to see that this news occupied only an insignificant place in the front page of newspapers. That’s how it ought to be.

Democracy is the only weapon with which we can fight the evils of terrorism, social inequalities and other maladies. It is by giving representation and not by gagging the citizen that development can be achieved. Development without democracy is like the comb in the hands of a bald man. Simply useless!

Theres nothing 'Public' about 'Public Administration'

2007-08-02T00:19:00.001+05:30

I am presently studying "Public Administration" (pubAd) for my Civil Service Examinations. The subject is very interesting for those who have an inclination towards management and administration (not the excel sheet variety of management ofcourse).

I figured out that the macro level theories of PubAd fit perfectly at micro level too - that is at the family administration level. Consider the spirit of Public Administration, it reads

"Authority without responsibility leads to authoritarianism; while
responsibility without authority leads to anarchy(lack of order)".

How profound is that. I tried applying this to families and found it to fit perfectly. The Indian families of yesteryears could be termed as Authoritarian to say the least. The head honcho of the family (the father) decided all important decisions and it was his nod that enabled us to go ahead with our decisions. In many cases the father even decided his offspring's career! The mother's job was confined to the kitchen and even here her authority was checked in terms of the approval for buying groceries by the head of the family. Clearly in many ways we find that fathers enjoyed real authority without much responsibility (he never actually got the groceries himself). Certainly that was an authoritarian setup with no room for equality.

The families of today, on the other hand, can be seen to tread in an entirely new route which quite untested. These families generally constitute a husband and wife of similar qualification and income. They have certainly broken all barriers of the conventional authoritarian regime that is characteristic of a typical Indian household by espousing the 'virtue' of Anarchy – a complete lack of order in the house.

It is not uncommon to hear of stories about the husband and wife having a 50-50 'work sharing agreement' back at home – the wife cooks breakfast while the husband cooks the lunch. Other 'deals' could be that each of them make breakfast every alternate day. - it follows the paradigm “I toast a slice of bread and you toast another”. I wonder whether the binding force in this relationship could be love, i would bet it is more a case of practical room sharing agreement due to space and money constraints that one has with his/her room mate.

The relationship is built on the false premise that in a family there is no need for a person to act as the final deciding authority. However the truth is that no organization can survive without a leader. Even the most flat hierarchic of the organizations such as a startup software development company needs a department head. An headless creature and a two headed demon are both expected not to survive long.

In this type of relationship there is no one in the family who calls the shots. This indecisiveness could soon eat away the air of 'equality' that once formed the basis of the relationship 'deals' or prenuptial Agreements(soon expected to arrive at the Indian Matriominal scene).

The authoritarian family setup is indeed bad. But anarchy is not the answer to authoritarianism. We have to find an alternate middle path.

Come Lets Patent

2007-06-08T16:47:00.001+05:30

That the USA has denied reports of trying to patent yoga postures comes as a relief to many Indians around the world. Many ardent yogis who wonder how the US got the right to decide whether it would patent or not a divine exercise which has it roots deeply planted in India, fail to realise that India had to fight a legal battle in the WTO to safeguard her interest when USA patented turmeric and Basmati rice both of which are associated with India since time immemorial.

It is a known fact that America either beats or buys talent and from history we know that they have been more successful in buying out talent. Lakhs of Indian engineers, doctors and other technocrats who are serving in US holding their precious dollars close to their chest stand a testimony to this. USA dominates every nation using its borrowed talent and it becomes important to patent every piece of research to save itself from defection. The issue of evergreening the patents (continue to provide royalty forever) given to life saving drugs is only the tip of the ice berg. USA with its Super 501 and special 501 clauses threatens LDCs(least developed countries) to approve evergreening of such drugs so that these drug companies can continue to extract high profits from these poor nations. India was recently forced to amend her Intellectual property rights Act to fall in line. India had to budge as USA threatened to stop all import of Indian generic drugs which have a good market in the US.

Aren't patents unfair beyond a point? How can obsolete technology be patented beyond 20 years? How can obvious 'inventions' be patented? For instance, the mother of redundant patents, Microsoft has patented the radio button which lets you select one choice among the given alternatives. With the growing competition between the nations, it wouldn't be a surprise if the US ends up patenting our Kamasutra. You'd then be required to fix a camera in your bedroom and perform only those acts (postures) for which you have paid money. If you're found to venture into other 'unpaid' acts during your moments of intimacy, you'd be fined along with the relevant video showing your violation.

India can try her luck too by patenting Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism as they originated from our country. We could then charge people a nominal fee for practicing it. We could also get royalty from Srilanka, South East Asia as they have been 'using' our invention without paying. Those who continue to hold their dollars close to their chest could feel that this is a wonderful idea.

How insignificant is the human race?

2007-05-22T17:09:00.000+05:30

One of the best ways to understand the relation between the earth and all that exists on it is to imagine that the earth is 46 years old. And when we write her life history, we find that we know nothing about the first seven years of her life, but the deeds of her later childhood are to be seen in the old rocks.

Most of what we recognise on earth, including all substantial life is the product of the last six years of its life(i.e 600 m.y). She flowered, in her middle age. Her continents were quite bare of its life till she was almost 42 and flowering plants did not appear until she was 45 - just a year ago. At that time the great reptiles, including the dinosaurs, came into existence and the breakup of the last supercontinent was in progress.

The dinosaurs passed away eight months ago and the early mammal replaced them. In the middle of last week, in Africa, some manlike apes developed into apelike man and at the weekend mother earth began shivering with the latest series of extremely cold ice-ages. Just over four hours have elapsed since a new species HomoSapiens came into existence and in the last hour it invented agriculture and settled down.Just about 30 minutes back the pre-harappan and early harappan cultures started developing. Just about 14 minutes back, Buddha delivered his first sermon at sarnath, and the Mauryan empire flourished 12 minutes back. Harsha gave all, whatever he had, the religious assembly at prayag about 7 minutes back, and Akbar made a pilgrimage to sufi saint Salim Chisti just about 2 minutes back. India became a proud independent nation hardly two seconds back.
Source: XIth standard Ancient india NCERT book.

Would you give me a soft loan of 1 lakh? i'll return it in one day :)

A report on earth

2007-02-09T00:42:00.001+05:30

Prologue:
[Cartosat II of ISRO (Indian satellite research organisation) picks up weird signals while in orbit around earth. It carefully records these cryptic messages and sends it back to the ground station. After much labour, the message is deciphered and here it is for your readership]

Beep Beep. Sending a summary about the third rock from this obscure star (the earthlings call it sun). Our intuition is right! There is some form of primitive life form in this small rock earth.
Presently this habitat can be seen to be dominated by a species which is addressed to as the mankind. This species is spread all around the rock though not uniformly distributed. Since the star (sun) heats up the surface of this planet differently at different places, it can be seen that the species is differently burnt. The ones occupying the centre of the rock are burnt more than the ones living on the fringes. It is evident that the ones that are not as burnt as the ones living near the equator (centre of the planet) have a sense of superiority over the partially and the completely burnt ones.

Presently this species which has taken control of earth can be seen to convert all forms of life to its own self for no obvious reasons. But it has been quite successful in this mission – their numbers have grown close to 7 billion. The reason behind this cannot be attributed to a possible attack on our establishments near andromeda considering its technological backwardness. For example, this species has fixed an upper bound on the velocity of its vehicles at the speed of light and it considers taking a few snaps of itself from some distance from its surface a great achievement. Some sections of this species are however against such a ruthless conversion exercise. This group is also against consumption of other creatures and advocate on the dependence on green leaves and other such support mechanisms instead. Chief among the reasons for this insistence is that they argue that other forms of life have something called “emotions”. However an overwhelming majority of these creatures that preach this principle can be seen to be wearing accessories made out of skin of other thick skinned creatures that are not active after the skin is taken away from them. Perhaps these thick skinned creatures don’t have afore mentioned “emotions”.

The species is divided into two primary groups- one of them can be seen to go behind the other for an instant personal gratification. It requires a pair (one from each group) to produce another creature of the same species. About one of the groups, it can be clearly seen, the best way to reach its heart (organ of satisfaction) is through its stomach. The process is slightly complex for the other- it requires mining of rare metals, careful enrichment of their ores must precede melting and casting them into different shapes.

This mankind depends on dark rocks and fluid substance found beneath its surface to fuel its vehicles and some smoking chimneys (which are known as ‘factories’ among the earth folk). This act of mankind has upset the normal working of the system of earth. It has destroyed the protective covering of gas around the planet which is known as the ‘Atmosphere’. Some groups of this species have raised their opposition against this unscrupulous activity which could endanger its own sustenance in this planet. Some of these influential groups have been successful in preventing the setting up of smoking chimneys in some of the darker sections of the earth. It is an irony that these groups are based out of the same place on earth which causes maximum destruction to earth’s atmosphere. The reason behind using such a suicidal method of obtaining fuel is not known given the fact that sun (an infinite source of energy) is less than half a light year’s distance from this place.

About its culture, it can be seen that the whole mankind celebrates an event called the ‘new year’ by assembling at a common place and shaking itself to curious angles and gulping down fermented liquid. This ‘new year’ is celebrated on account of the earth successfully completing a lap around the sun and starting the next round. However it’s a surprise again as to how this species found the starting and ending point of an elliptical closed plane which has no beginning or end.
Mankind has been giving many paradoxes for our mission control to solve. However the Holocene phenomena could be predicted not to last for long to pose a threat to us since they are not even half as powerful and imposing as their Jurrasic counterparts that once dominated the same surface. Its genetic system is also corrupted with self destructing tendencies and hence will not cause much harm to us. However the only scope for its survival depends much on a person who presently lives in a place which hosts 1/6th of the mankind. This person is seen to be busy preparing for some examination presently.

A letter from a S/w Engineer to his mom

2006-03-12T17:29:00.000+05:30

Dear mom,
Pranams. Did the money-order i sent reach you on time? You will be happy to know that i am not working late these days. Infact, I come home early by 10. I cannot believe that i have time to shave, eat dinner, and sleep everyday. Not everyone has the same luck as i have. My collegues are jealous of me . I know its all because of your Aashirvaad.

However, I will be put into a new assignment shortly and it will be the same old schedule of coming back home at 2 in the morning. A couple of months backm, while i was walking back home late, i accidentally stepped over two dogs that were busy mating. They didnt spare me ..ouch it hurts even now :(

Shanthi called me this evening. I know you would hate to even hear the name of your daughter-in -law who deserted me. I gave everything to her - the best home, comfort, a lot of money to spend, yet she kept finding fault with me. Its been two years since that fateful midnight when she picked up a quarrel with me for coming home late and decided to separate.

She called me up to inform that she's pregnant. Isn't that a happy news mom? I feel very happy. Your prayers have been answered. Our parampara will grow. I wish papa were alive to hear this good news.

I read a piece of news this morning which greatly upset me. A man who was always found in the company of children, used them to satisfy his sexual needs. He gave chocolates to tempt them to yield.
It's very depressing to know that such cruel exploitations exist in the world even today.

Before i forget, I've been chosen to lead the team to work on a new assignment. This is a very demanding work and i would be required to stay for days together at office. My manager personally called me into his room to announce my pay hike. I feel so happy and elated. My company is the best in recognising talent. They've recognised mine so many times. :)

This extra money that i earn will be helpful in buying my new home at 'sava- pura'. I was lucky to get the last apartment before it was taken up by someone else. Once i buy the apartment, you can come and stay with me. I hope all this will come to frution in five years.
Take care of yourself mom. You're the only one i have and you're aging. I will try to come and meet you soon.

Your son
Chintu
Project leader,
XYZ software Systems
with 500 branches in 400 countries.
No.1 in software solutions

Sexual harassment - the other side

2005-11-25T00:15:00.000+05:30

One of the main reasons that make a professional stay in the same job is the notice period that he will have to serve if he opts to quit. Imagine sitting in your desk imagining about your next job when you're asked to work on some boring project. I believe every company has such projects exclusively reserved for those employees serving their notice period. Such projects typically require as much effort as a yukozona or a sumo wrestler would require crushing a mosquito to death. But if you're bent upon stretching it to 30 days, you could make use of an illiterate blind guy without his 2 limbs to work on the coding part.

But then every thing has its own benefits. Shouldn't we be eternal optimists? An optimist is a person who likes the donut for its smell and taste while a pessimist looks at the hole in it. The guy in American Pie, who put the innocent donut to good use, must be an opportunist.

Lets get back to the issue on hand.

There are many ways to get out of the company soon. Some of them are
1. Damaging company's resource(s).
Although this might seem to be the easiest way out, it has its own repercussions. You might get into legal issues or if you had damaged some sensitive server, you could be 'treated' by the company employed goondas.

2. Email the CEO telling him that he doesn't have the balls to fire you.
Again, a very effective method to make a quick exit. The CEO would certainly fire you to show his authority over you. But the problem is that you'd soon become the laughing stock of the entire company. The news will reach the other companies (courtesy: Free pool). The CEO will invariably point you as an example when he talks to new recruits.

3. You can be highly unproductive.
Imagine you're given a dead line tomorrow and you go to your Project Manager and coolly ask him/her to go with you for a cup of tea. Although a lot of guys have been show the door for doing it, you stand the risk of being sent to training sessions for attitude change! The chances are more if you work for big companies where employees are transported into the company using trucks. Worse still, what would you do if your PM agrees to go with you for a cup of tea ;)

Sexual harassment, therefore, seems to be the only way to a safe and quick exit. Its one method that's hassle free and time tested. Perhaps, Phaneesh murthy only wanted to join Iflex a little early. But then, what if the person whom you harass sexually co-operates! Isn't it a win-win situation anyway ?;)

Café au lait

2005-08-27T12:01:00.000+05:30

Perhaps there is no other beverage equivalent to a hot cup of steaming madras filter coffee (pronounced in most homes here as kaapi). I haven’t tried marijuana yet, and am not planning to.

An average madrasi wakes up listening to MS subbalakshmi’s Suprabharatham and sits to read the morning daily with a hot cup of coffee by his side. It feels like your sleepy senses are hit by a base ball bat with every sip of this divine drink.

Among other uses, coffee has certain medicinal values as well. It is the best download accelerator ever invented by man. The tenth minute after drinking a cuppa coffee, you’d find yourself in Mother Nature’s lap answering her call promptly. Many people believe that this property of coffee is the reason behind naming the programming language JAVA (JAVA in Hebrew means coffee). Haven’t you heard people saying that JAVA scares the shit out of them?

Although not proven, coffee increases your will power and determination. There are references to prove that the Iron man of India, Sardar vallabhai patel, drank two cups of it every day. Patel was once arguing in the court when the news of the sudden demise of his wife reached him. He maintained his cool and continued with the case. An ordinary soul wouldn’t have been able to contain the excitement and joy and must have started celebrating thereby attracting the contempt of the court.

Instant coffee is another variety which can be used alternately for hair dyeing. Prolonged consumption of it turns your hair white. Jokes apart, we must restrict ourselves to not more than two cups of coffee per day. The ‘cups’ you get in coffee day or other such places fall under a differenet category called bathtubs. A cup is strictly any vessel that can hold not more than 250 ml of liquid and doesn’t pose a threat for anyone to trip and fall into it.

Testimonials – Let’s mean them

2005-08-14T21:33:00.000+05:30

Online communities such as Orkut lets you find friends. You’ll love these portals more if your ‘here for:’ section says ‘women (dating)’. Most women post their photos posing sideways to the camera. Incidentally, this is the same crowd that complains that men don’t look at their eyes while speaking.

Among innumerable ways of winning a women’s heart, such as buying jewellery by burning one’s pocket to the other cost effective ways such as writing poems which involves using a lot of grey cells, Testimonials seem to be a better option. It also saves you from entering the elite club of ‘worst pick up lines’. Tell a woman that she’s got a beautiful smile and she’ll respond to you, or at least you can expect a scrap in return.

But what does one mean by a thousand watt smile? I didn’t know that you could measure the wattage of a smile. I know that a woman’s smile is powerful, but didn’t quite think it had a S.I unit.

A testimonial is expressing admiration or appreciation of a person. It has to be earned, not gifted. I find every third person a ‘genius’, every second ‘a really cool guy’, and almost everyone ‘smart, talented and lively’ - no wonder India is churning out entrepreneurs in a hurry.

Mr. ‘cool guy’, in reality could be a person who would pee in his pants when the exam results come out, and the ‘lively’ character could be someone who would brush his teeth once a week to save himself from the tiring exercise of brushing everyday. What can I say about those ‘...I am sure he’ll be a rocket scientist in life’? Let’s hope to see such bright young men as the future presidents of India like kalam.
Most of us become generous while writing somebody’s testimonial – it’s after all a bunch of words isn’t it?

Hard pressed for time

2005-08-07T22:28:00.000+05:30

Once a person is gainfully employed, he/she has to forget about personal life for sometime. But ‘sometime’ can extend up to well over a few years, and in some cases up to the age of 58. Things that were once taken for granted during college days, such as jogging along the shores of marina, reading newspaper after lunch and falling asleep, hanging out with friends, chatting for long hours over phone have all come under ‘things to do’ in the personal reminder.

Working for long hours should not be a problem to a bachelor, but I find my seniors (who’re married) working for the same number of hours. Of course, one’s wanting to go early largely depends on his/her spouse back home. They probably find work more interesting. There’s one more problem in being a programmer...err don’t call them problems, they’re issues. Programming is like women, elusive when you go behind but when you stop caring, comes back to give you a nudge.

Weekend is a paradox; because the weeks don’t end (but hey! Do you find a school of fish carry books along?). I find myself working for some dead line or the other. Dead lines give you turbulent sleeps, perhaps that’s why they are called so. Never mind, we Indians carry a lot of burden on our shoulders at young ages, may be that’s why India’s hope for an Olympic gold lies in weight lifting.

When it’s not your day

2005-07-06T21:01:00.000+05:30

when it’s not your day, you’ll helplessly watch a meek mouse shaking its bum against your face. I had a similar experience a few days back. Luckily no rodent was involved.

How do you feel when you find 5 minutes before a party that you do not have the right clothes to wear? Someone who is as close as the (only) husband of your mom picks up a random sample from a heap of clothes and convinces you about its aptness for the occasion. Never believe any ‘honest’ opinions of people involved in the business of convincing others. Diplomats are people who tell you such things about hell that you’ll actually look forward to making a trip there on a tourist visa.

Finally at the party, I discovered much to my dismay that I was wearing mismatched clothes. Some young cute females shook hands with me. I am sure they got reminded of the clown outside amusement parks.

As if this was not enough, I was asked to welcome people at the party. The problem in inviting people to your party is simple. You’ll have to lie. I found myself welcoming everyone with a broad smile and a “we’re so honoured with your presence” when actually I would be happy if I don’t meet a few of them again.

By the way, I lost my cell phone in the midst of all this. I was caught between searching for my indispensable hand held device and wearing a false smile in inviting people. When I found time to search for it, I searched every nook and corner. I found that the loo doesn’t have a clean commode. But my cell phone was never to be seen. I called up the service provider’s number to know what I can do best given the predicament. I had to go through this.

* Kindly press 1 for Tamil, 2 for Hindi, 3 for English
* 1 if you’re a hutch subscriber, 2 it you’re not.
* Your 10 digit number
* You’ve entered 9884125315
* press 1 to confirm
* press 2 to reject
* press 1 to know information about offices, 2 for Uk services, 3 for information of products and services, 4 for information on offices, 0 to go back ….

…And I decided that I can live without my cell phone.

P.S :I didn't know where to fit this in. Every Ganesha idol sees atleast 10,000 homes before it is bundled and gifted the 10,001 th time.

A Software engineer's life

2005-06-05T11:59:00.000+05:30

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
If all of us are programmers, where are the users?

I joined a software firm on (9/05/2005) - ah finally there is a place that'll show the doj of my first job :)

We had to go through a lot of training, and I can tell you that software development is not among the most interesting things to do on earth - think of writing documentation for things you otherwise considered as paraphernalia.

Software jargons are important to software development - that's the general consensus. Usage of words such as SAP, iRR, CASE, Rational Robot etc increases your credibility in the organisation. When such words are presented to a fresher, it feels like one is hit by a tsunami without a forewarning.

Idea: We can store all these abbreviations with their expansions into a common database. Call it the Storage of Highlycomplex words in Information Technology, in short SHIT.

The Air conditioner in our training room is set to a temperature which could be used to preserve canned fish- It’s freezing. Every one hour I use the loo. A connection from all our tummies could possibly solve chennai’s water crisis.

The lecturers go on and on with their slides like one of those prime time tele-serials (the mega serials). One would find them saying the same thing after waking up from a small nap. We would almost develop snow around our nose by the end of a session because of the cold. In one of these days, infact, ice cubes were reported in the toilet after I used it.

I must mention about the chicks in here. They’re all awesome. Women of today are bold. They stand up to things, or atleast they make things stand up ;) They serve as room heaters preventing this place from turning into ice age.

When I come out of my office, the hot weather soothes me. Fellas why do you complain about chennai’s weather?

My child hood days - a retrospect

2005-05-18T21:19:00.000+05:30

I remember the great times i had with my lil friend Rayudu (he must've grown now) . My dad was posted in Andhra in a remote town called Gudur for about six years. He decided that it was time i went to a school, though i'd ve loved to play on my mom's lap for a few more years.I was put into the only "English" medium school - the Rose flower English medium school. I was among a few privileged children that wore trousers to school- the others wore nothing.

Gudur was famous for its lemon export business. The roads would be filled with hay and lemons, and i'd pick up a few lemons on the way back home and proudly give it to my mom to be used in cooking.

As soon as i get back home, i'd run to play with my dear friend rayudu. He didn't do any schooling, because i think his parents couldn't afford it. We always preferred the road to play for it had a nice hay cushion on it. We'd jump off the sunshade on to a heap of sand, aim stones at the pigs and frighten them away, and would sincerely imitate all their actions.

For some reason, the pigs looked more contented when they were in the drainage,and we always wanted to jump into it like them. Rayudu had done it many times though, but the thought of my mom holding a cane prevented me from joining the adventure.

My mom must have found it difficult to identify her son among a group of pigs but luckily i wore a shirt. rayudu's mom could never find him. Sundays were special to us because it meant more time together playing. We used to play the whole day unmindful to the burning heat. We used to collect burnt beedis (cigarettes) because we were fascinated by the smoke that came out of nostrils when people smoked it. I wanted to know if i was capable of producing brilliant white smoke myself but i was caught in the heroic act by my mom and punished badly :( ouch

My dad got his transfer orders in 1991 to madras. I remember it well because he used to tell me about some Gulf war and show me pictures, as if i understood. My mom was jubiliant, because she was happy in taking her son to a new city which had better schools. What she did not realise was that her son would be missing his best friend.

I am sure rayudu will not read this post. He must be working in his fields or perhaps has found a job somewhere to support his family, but i miss all good times i had with him. The thoughts however will stay with me forever.

Crazy definitions

2005-05-05T16:01:00.000+05:30

Do you need to be told what the word ‘maintenance’ means? Most of us know it is ‘maintaining’ something. If you are not that sure about the meaning you can look it up in a dictionary. This is how my Total quality management book defines it.

“Maintenance is defined as the management, control, execution and quality
assurance of activities which ensure the achievement of optimum availability and
performance of a plant in order to meet business objectives.”

That’s an assortment of a bunch of management words. If that’s not enough this is how they define ‘planning’

“ ..the process of deciding on objectives of the organisation, on
changes on these objectives, on the resource used to attain these objectives and
on the policies that are to govern the acquisition, use and disposition of these
resources.”

The following is to be read only if the reader happens to be God. No cheating!!

Note: Dear god, have mercy on me and give me a pass mark in this exam. I admit I have written it badly but I CANNOT mug up these definitions again.

The Indian Matrimonial scenario

2005-04-12T00:27:00.000+05:30

God knows why the MNC’s are interested in finding a good alliance for our Indian bachelors and damsels. My instant messenger proudly flashed “Preeti singh 26 executive” I clicked on the link which lead me to a page containing a list of profiles proudly put up. Don’t ask my why a 21 yr old guy needs to check matrimonial websites, isn’t it better than staring the roof, especially when it’s raining outside?

All the profiles had the three words in common – fair, slim and beautiful. It’s not a mystery why India bags so many Miss Universe titles –isn’t India full of fair, slim, and beautiful women ;) but, I had a rude shock when I checked out the photos though. I found that the write ups didn’t quite match up with the photos:) –never mind if priyanka chopra can be a Miss universe why not anyone else?

Coming back err coming to the point for the first time, I found that all of them knew whom they wanted to marry, their requirements were clear cut –just that it appeared a little unacceptable to me. One of them wanted an engineer working at LA; another wanted only an MBA. A big shock awaited me when one of the profiles invited prospective grooms only from London. I was of the opinion that marriage is a union of two hearts, looks like it’s that of two professions. My neighbour said (and she exists in reality) that these were the ‘pointers’ to a good man. So from when did the pointers to a good man such as honesty, sincerity, modesty, chivalry, hardworking etc change to MBA, B.E, M.S, and PhD?

sequel to the one below.

2005-04-05T15:12:00.000+05:30

It’s been raining quite heavily for the last two days in Chennai; I think the rain god has answered my poems ;) I was told that my post on poetry caused a lot of stir and discomfort to a few, I’d be happy if my readers appreciate the humour in my posts. If you don’t find it funny though, you are allowed to use at your discretion the Alt+F4 keys (it might not work if you’re running a win98, so try Ctrl, Alt, Del).

Poetry - let me teach you.

2005-03-30T18:30:00.000+05:30

For some strange reason, I am interested in poetry these days. Among other things, Men should learn cooking and poetry - Kitchen is the shortest way to bedroom and I think poetry comes next. I am aware that the art of writing poems is confined to people who would look at an apple and say

A worm in an apple might seem bad
But half a worm in an apple is really sad!

The odds were against me when I decided to become a poet; like everyone else I would grab the apple and devour it when I see it. Poetry would be the last thing to come to my mind.
I checked out websites that encourage young ‘poets’. This is what a buff had written about love

I love you with a permanence
That endures the passing years.
I love you with a joyfulness
That subdues all doubts and fears.
I love you with an honesty
That was born within my heart.
I love you with the calm belief
...

I badly need the rules to write a poem. I thought the last word of each line must rhyme with the pervious one, but since that lousy thing had qualified, I propose the following as my poem.

FOR i = 1 TO n
FOR k = i TO n
IF (a(i) > a(k)) THEN SWAP a(i), a(k)
NEXT k

FOR j = 1 TO n
PRINT a(j)
NEXT j

Next i

The above one has three words per line, it’s got a perfect meaning to convey (sorts numbers). It’s well structured. Since I’ve graduated to the status of an established poet, here’s my advice to the budding ones.

1. Write an essay about anything you feel like.
2. Transfer it to your computer.
3. Press the enter key at every third or fourth word.
4. You have a good poem.
5. Upload it to poetry.com and call yourself a poet.

40+

2005-03-25T08:50:00.000+05:30

Are you 40 yrs or older? Don’t read this post, you may not like it. Why are 40+ oldies so rigid in their thinking? They’ve a set regime in life which will NOT be broken for any reason. The following is how a 40+ will handle different situations.

Student: Madam, I got the print out. It looks neat.
40+: No, write it into an observation, draw figures, get my signature and I will affix the wax seal.

Shopkeeper: …but sir, this computer is very fast and costs you slightly more than what you ask for.
40+: No. Give me X486 with a black n white monitor and a dot matrix printer. You cannot cheat me.

Wife: Honey I am feeling romantic.
40+: Hey! How come? It’s not night yet.

Godly woes

2005-03-15T19:08:00.000+05:30

“Alas I am here. Wake up; your prayers have been answered. I am here not just to honour your prayers, but also to tell you what I feel about my devotees who go overboard at times. I chose you because you are the only rational soul I could find.

Firstly, why on earth do people swarm on Saturdays to see me? I might not have a family, but I need the weekends for myself. How could Saturday, which comes every week on a Christian calendar, be of any relevance to a Hindu like me? Why cant people regulate themselves? It doesn’t make sense to block the traffic and cause inconvenience to others.

Who spread the malicious rumour that I like butter? I detest it. I hate people applying a big ball of butter on my mouth especially when the butter smells cheap. Most of it is anyway taken away by the priests, and I am left with a thin layer of butter around my mouth, which only invites flies and mosquitoes. I hate to see my already swollen mouth grow further in size with mosquito bites.

...and why do my followers adorn me with vada mala? No one, not even God, can gobble up more than a dozen vadas, however tasty they are. Since I am old now, I have to worry about Gastro problems. Kindly ask men to regulate themselves- be it devotion, love, work or any other activity for moderation is the mantra for happy life."

As told by Jai Veer Hanuman in my dreams.

Swami Vivekananda's Words of Wisdom

2005-03-07T09:07:00.000+05:30

Mere external appearance or a person’s speech or mannerisms are only fringes of one’s personality.
Don’t become happy with pleasurable events, and miserable with adverse circumstances.
Go on doing good, thinking holy thoughts continuously, which is the only way to suppress base impressions.
The personality of a man is two-thirds while his intellect, and his words are but one-third.
Pleasure is not the Goal of man, but knowledge.
Don’t desire, for what you desire you get, and with it comes terrible bondage.
Each time we suppress hatred, or a feeling of anger. It is so much good energy stored up in our favour; that piece of energy will be converted into higher powers.
Fight on bravely! Life is short! Give it up to a great cause.
When we are alone responsible, then we shall rise to our highest and best.
He, who always speculates as to what awaits him in future, accomplishes nothing whatsoever.
The man who works through freedom and love for work cares nothing for results.
We shall find that helping others is only helping ourselves; the sun takes up water from the ocean, to return it in showers.
Unselfishness will bring success; the degree of unselfishness marks the degree of success everywhere.
Feel, my children feel; feel for the poor, the ignorant, the downtrodden; feel till the heart stops and the brain reels and you think you will go mad.
Cowards never win victories.
Weak men, when they lose everything and feel themselves weak, try all sorts of uncanny methods of making money, and come to astrology.
When you came to this world, the world rejoiced and you cried; now live your life doing such acts that when you leave this world, the world will cry for you and you will leave it laughing.
The great benefit in this life is struggle. If there is any road to Heaven, it is through Hell.
Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life -think of it, dream of it, and live on that idea.
Regular breathing puts the body in a harmonious condition; it improves your concentration.
When you have acquired the feeling of non-attachment, there will then be neither good nor evil to you. It is only selfishness that causes the difference between good and evil.
--------- Swami Vivekananda

Graphs

2005-03-03T23:26:00.000+05:30

How do you feel when your project reviewer listens to your lecture for half-an hour and says “Yawn..So where are the graphs to prove it?” Most of them are unmindful of the amount of hard-work that had gone into your project. They certainly don’t understand that not all projects need graphs.

ALL THEY NEED IS SOME SQUIGGLY CURVES WITH X AND Y AXES.

Such people care more for the letter than for the spirit of rules n regulations. I am not going to crib about it anyway. If all they want is a graph, so be it. I have presented some readymade graphs that can be conveniently added to your project – you don’t need to pay royalty to me. ;)

And don’t forget to add some nice symbols like dy/dx or O(n logn).Such things add to the ‘value’ of your project!

Long live our education system.

2005-02-28T18:53:00.000+05:30

There’s a lot of difference between reading a novel and an article in Economic Times. “What’s the similarity?” You might ask- I don’t know, but there are lots of differences. I can turn the pages of a novel really fast and impress the chick opposite, if any that is, and still not feel guilty of pretending. If the novel happens to be a Sidney Sheldon, your job only becomes easy- you know the story already!

I was confronted with jargons like “equity market”, “VAT”, “Capital returns” and I found it guilty to assume meanings -Equity sounds like Kitty, so it must be a market that sells pussies, cats I mean. VAT is it VAT 69? Does that ring bells with you?

I therefore called my friend, a commerce graduate, to clear my doubts. The following is what he had to say.

“Equity is like a hmmm…sort of you know what I mean, it’s a kind of a ..And
hey can I call you later? Someone is at the door.”

..And someone said this for VAT –

“VAT helps the government a lot. It has been implemented in a lot of
countries world wide. It helps avoid black money.”

That’s the sort of reply you expect out of a politician, not from a student of economics!
Having successfully tarnished them, what would I say if a plebeian wanted to know what a microprocessor is?

“It’s a kind of electronic device which helps us to do a lot of stuff in your
computer. its made up of lots of electronic circuits.. hey are you free this
evening? Let’s play cricket.”

Isn’t it a case of the pot calling the kettle black? Long live our education system.

The three phases

2005-02-06T22:32:00.000+05:30

There are three phases to any role that’s played in a bollywood movie; the rules are made especially stringent if it’s an Akshay Kumar starrer. Here are a few samples.

a. The mother
#1 The caring mother (until her Police officer husband is shot by the villains)
#2 The hardworking widow (after his death)
#3 Photo on the wall.

b. The beautiful sister

#1 The playful chirpy girl.
#2 Falls in love with a bad guy.
#3 Raped and killed (usually the lengthiest scene in the movie).

c. The Heroine

#1 A Social worker/college student.
#2 Falls in love with the hero (charachterised by songs at unwanted times).
#3 Marries the hero (in case of availability of another heroine, refer b.#3)

...and the formula continues to create sensational hits.

Private companies - real good service.

2005-02-01T19:50:00.000+05:30

But for the sweet voice of a chick at the other end, I wouldn’t have called the customer service again. I was to prepare notes for my lecture that day and off went my cable modem. The cute female (she must be) at the other end, whose voice flowed down live a river with flamboyant English assured me of service within 3 hours. I waited like Bashmasura who got seduced by mohini avatar. The asura at least danced with mohini before he was killed but I sat in my dingy room waiting for some help to come; none came.

Whoever feels that the private companies offer a better service hasn’t understood the definition properly. Employing a preposterous woman in the customer service centre does not solve any problem. It adds to the woes!

It hurts, as a computer engineer, to listen to ‘suggestions’ like

a. “Turn off and then turn on your system” (to repair a modem!!!)

b. “Click on the button called the start button at the left hand bottom corner…”

c. “You see, the computer might be affected by something called viruses” (a bigger plural?)

d. “…go to run and type “c:\”, do you want me to spell it?”

e. “Yes. I know you need to check your email, you can do it in a place called browsing centre near your house.”

My Autobiography – How I don’t want it to be.

2005-01-30T15:07:00.000+05:30

Another 40 years left in my life if accidents, cancer, and diabetics don’t play a spoil sport. How do I want my life to be? The options to choose from are too many – Management studies, M.S, journalism and medicine. Although becoming a doctor after an under-graduation in engineering might look insane, it is not impossible; all it takes is an admission into a Patna university.

All of us (rich/poor/dark/fair/ugly/sane/insane) have to go through this crucial phase of selecting a career path. Instead of breaking one’s head with the options, it would be better to employ a different method of selection. Just think of what you don’t want to be in life. It’s that simple!

The following is how I don’t want my autobiography to read

Autobiography of VIKRAMAN VASUDEVAN (1983-2043)

Chap1: Childhood days

Chap2: Adolescence and running behind women (without much success)

Chap3: undergrad days and the fun associated with it.

Chap4: The dream job and marriage (shh! Running behind women secretively)

Chap5: My First child - a successful marriage indeed!

Chap6: Oh my god! My child walks, a moment of ecstasy.

Chap7: YES. I got him admitted into the best school.

Chap8: My child runs behind women- nostalgia!

Chap9: Retirement life with a cane chair and Hindu crossword.

God, can I have fast growing facial hair?

2005-01-23T10:35:00.000+05:30

I added the seventh can of Gillette shaving cream to my cupboard. You guessed it right; it was a gift from someone who came from the US. Why do people invariably gift us with Shaving creams? Do people in the US shave 5 times a day that they think we must follow it here? Or may be it is because they think we don’t have such ‘sophisticated’ things in India. We may not be ‘cultured’ enough to use a toilet paper, but we certainly use shaving gels.

Let me see how I can finish those seven cans soon…

#1 They can be used as a substitute for fresh cream on birthday cakes.

#2 Dissolve it in water and use it for white washing the walls.

#3 Fill the centre of a biscuit after eating the cream off.

#4 The not so potent men can fake an…well it has a lot of other uses.

The unsung heroes – DYFI and SFI

2005-01-21T20:07:00.000+05:30

I persuaded myself really hard before I took the final decision to leave to cuddalore to help the tsunami victims. I called up AID-India many times to find out about my vaccination, food, accommodation and bugged them with every other possible question. I felt proud of myself and the feeling of becoming another mahatma was on the rise, only until I reached the place.

The volunteers of DYFI (democratic youth federation of India) blew the feeling that was budding in me. These guys have been working in the camps for over a month now without any remuneration. Some of them are on a loss of pay and the others are on a long leave.

Whenever I got an opportunity to talk to the volunteers (mostly at night), I tried to reason the force that drove them this far. I had a good chat with Mr. Sudhakaran (joint-secretary) while we were on our way to Chidambaram to buy note books for the kids. He is an ITI degree holder who had many offers from dubai and Saudi which he refused; he believes in working for the people.

Mr.vanchinathan (in-charge of the camp) narrated an incident in which moved me very much. Hundreds of unemployed youth gathered in an open ground hoping to be selected into the military for 180 vacant posts, some of them were engineers and science graduates. The crowd which became unmanageable was lathi-charged which left many wounded. Those who were selected had the shock of their life when they came to know what they were selected for- they were to be the barbers in the military camps. Mr. Vanchi felt the need for an organisation which would back the unemployed youth in the country against such insults.

DYFI and SFI (student federation of India) are the real heroes doing real work for tsunami relief. This post will therefore not contain any photos, showing me playing with children or doing some relief work.

God’s own country – The people

2005-01-05T21:26:00.000+05:30

Visit kerala and you’ll find out the limitations of your vocabulary (applicable even to the Brits). This is perhaps the only place where Mother Nature remains in her pristine self. The lofty Western Ghats, cool weather, lush green tea plantations, streets filled with the aroma of spices and the beautiful women make the place a heaven on earth.

As I got down from the train I saw a woman in salwar kameez with her thuppata struggling to cover her curvature walking towards me and I knew I was in kerala. We had that ‘inevitable' collision that sent both of us a few yards away, having lived majority of my life in Chennai I was expecting some nasty comment or atleast a cold stare. I was surprised when she smiled and said “I am sorry”. No, she actually said “I am Sooory” (Punch on the ‘O’ when you’re in kerala).

There needn’t be temples when people worship their work; Kerala is not crowded with temples that fight for survival in every nook and corner. The people of kerala are very practical (should the credit go to communism?). YOU DON’T FIND A BEGGAR IN THAT STATE. Against a common notion, the keralites are not cunning but in fact very helpful.

Should all Indians have the same attitude; India will certainly be a better place to live in.

A grand wedding

2004-12-25T10:47:00.000+05:30

That was definitely a grandiose wedding. I had gone with complete preparation*. The ambience was perfect, bearers in clean outfit. I believed that the stage was set to end my dieting regime.

Ah the damn cold, I had picked it up from my friend, posed a threat to the gala time that stood ahead of me. Man proposes and god exposes errr I guess he disposes.I wouldn’t let go of a chance so easily, there it was the chicken soup – the ultimate curator of cold. Whichever butcher spread the rumour, human cold seems to be the prime threat to a chicken’s life.

I was roaming about in the darkness (darkness is referred to as ‘pleasing’ ambience in star hotels) to select a proper side dish for my naan. I never believed that ‘J’ could be placed next to ‘X’ or a ‘Z’ in an English word, well only until I browsed through the menu cards that were so majestically displayed. One of them was christened “bangala dumpa koora” which reminded me of a Zambian president. It looked shiny, slippery and semi curdled. It tasted great except that it was a trifle too sweet.

On successful completion of many rounds each with generous helpings of my new found side-dish, I decided to call it quits with a dessert.

The side-dish had a unique characteristic in that it was served even for a dessert!
Oh my goodness!! It took me some time to realise that those curious glances were not meant to be an appreciation for my fashionable clothes.

*Preparation: 2 chapathis in the morning, 2 for lunch and none for dinner from a week prior to the wedding.

Fathering a Babe...

2004-12-14T18:40:00.000+05:30

Dads are generally good. They provide us food, clothing, comfort (am writing with a glossy eye). They are the breadwinners of the family. However, they act in the weirdest possible manner when they father a CHICK.

I have had many encounters with such Dads. They interrogate the caller thoroughly before letting it pass to their beloved daughter. In computer terminology they are analogous to FIREWALLS. Although we have mastered the ways of hacking through them they can get annoying at times. There are different types of Dads:

#1. THE NAGGING CHARACTER

Me: Can I talk to XYZ uncle?
Dad Of Chick: Who’s calling?
Me: vikram
DOC: Are you her classmate?
Me: Yes. Infact bench mates for four years.
DOC: hmm..So where are you from?
Me: T.nagar
Doc: What’s your dad?
Me: Working for a private firm.
Doc: Oh I C. So you were the one who came for her b’day party two days back?
Me: No. Haven’t been to your house before.
Doc: oh. She is busy right now. I’ll ask her to give you a call later.
click

#2 The always NO character

time: 8:30 am
Me: Can I talk to XYZ uncle?
Doc: She’s sleeping. Hasn’t gotten up yet.
click

time: 12o clock afternoon
Me: Can I talk to her uncle?
Doc: She’s still sleeping. I guess she’s feeling too tierd.
click

time: 7:30 pm
Me: Can I talk to her atleast now uncle?
Doc: Oh! You should have called her early. She’s gone to bed you see.
Me: Do you have a caller Id at home?
Doc: No. She wasn’t actually feeling alright and I advised her to go to bed.
Me: and with whom?
click

Honesty may be the best policy but…

2004-12-06T19:55:00.000+05:30

Do Miss. Universe contestants come from other planets in spaceships? I thought the organizers had done justice to the name when priyanka chopra was selected as the beauty queen. But to my dismay, I found out that she hails somewhere from India.
Before deviating any further from the crux of the issue, here are a few guidelines to win the Miss universe pageant.
1.Never say the truth.
2.Be as impractical as possible.
3.Make them believe you’ll be one among the masses.

For example, when the judge asks you to imagine your house on fire. Inside the burning house are trapped your three month old child and a mother Teresa’s photo. Which one would you save first?
A rational, practical and a sensible person would save the child, but to win the miss universe title you must feel (and feel strongly) that mother Teresa’s photo is more important than the child (although Mother Teresa herself, if alive, would not approve of it).

Let me pose another situation now. Don’t look down. No cheating.

You’re jogging on a lonely highway (god knows why) and you find your 3 month-old peeping into a manhole. The same instant you find a cockroach crossing the road, you find a speeding truck down the lane. Whom will you save first?
Congratulations, if you wanted to save the cockroach. You’re on the right path to becoming the Miss.Universe. Well, if you’re a man, you still hold a chance. You might have some minor problems with the swimsuit round.

Can you forward my Resume?

2004-11-14T02:12:00.000+05:30

The man who HAD lakhs of devotees world wide has done what even a nefarious criminal would fear to do.

Middle men have always been (and will continue to be) a headache to the society. Consider this for an example, a farmer (with his high interest loans) toils in his field and produces food grain which is conveniently bought by these middle men for a low price and sold in the market at exorbitant rates. These unscrupulous elements enjoy an unpropotional profit for their ‘work’, while the farmers continue to commit suicide due to poverty.
If you thought this was applicable only to the illiterate farmers, you are totally wrong. These middle-men are present, unfortunately, in all fields including Spirituality. Unless we realize the fact that there can be no one between us and the God, such rascals would continue to thrive.

This article, however, is not intended to put humanity on to the right track but was written for a more practical cause of publishing my resume. Since the top post now lies vacant I wish to offer my services to the mutt.

My Resume
Name: Sri Sri vikramananda.
Age: Old enough to hold this post.
Young enough to have female disciples.

(S)EXperience: 1. Worked in other ashrams and aware of all the ‘spiritual practises’.

2. Attended a certified course in the P.C sarkar’s school of magic and can vomit lingams, produce ashes, create fire etc.

Achievements: 1.A crowd following of more than 1 lakh (70% being women).
2. Working on a permanent solution to the Ayodhya issue (why not?).
3. Contacts with the top most rowdy gangs in the country.
4. Links with other fundamentalist groups which can declare a bandh when am arrested.

References:

1. Sri Premananda.
2. Sri kalki Bagwan.
3. Chandra Swami.
Can you kindly forward my resume?

Kudos to Wodehouse

2004-11-10T01:53:00.000+05:30

I just finished reading (11:50 pm) Thank You jeeves and I wanted to post a comment before I get over the hangover. Simply a great read.

[And this is some creative work from me…]

Scene: Sir Bertram Wooster’s cottage, London.
Characters: Bertie, Jeeves.

Bertie: What do you think of Pauline, jeeves?
Jeeves: Of that miss, sir, I appreciate her pulchritude.
Bertie: You mean she is a woman who is a …
Jeeves: une bonne elle, as you’d like to call her, sir.
Bertie: yes. You have a good vocabulary Jeeves.
Jeeves: Thank you, sir, for a gratifying comment.
Bertie: I wish I could take her out for a long vacation, jeeves. But the fuel prices are discouraging me.
Jeeves: It is pitiable indeed, sir.
Bertie: Out of the top of your head, tell me reason for an alarming increase in the rates.
Jeeves: According to me, sir, the government has shown callous indifference to the situation. This misdemeanor has only invited an irascible response from the public. My suggestion, sir, would be to stop the practice of examination in schools.
Bertie: I simply cannot understand this suggestion of yours, jeeves. You’ve gone cuckoo!
Jeeves: The students of these educational institutions, according to a general consensus, burn their midnight oil on the day before the exam. Considering the number of such students who wastefully burn the fuel, it would not require a person of high cognizance to suggest a plan to circumnavigate the problem.
Bertie: you are right as always, jeeves.
Jeeves: I consider the service to your lordship in high esteem, sir. Shall I bring your tea now?
Bertie: Right ho!

Reel VS Real Life.

2004-11-05T23:27:00.000+05:30

I have always wondered whether the reel life had any relevance to the real one. No one ever fights half a dozen men and emerges, leave alone victorious, alive!! Films are definitely a gross exaggeration of the real life but they undoubtedly reflect the culture, mindset and the mentality of the people.

For example, we know the American culture (if there exists one) through their Cinema. We know Americans as good entrepreneurs, business minded, adventurous etc through the movies we see.

The Indian Filmdom has the dual responsibility of churning out good entertainers and also to explain to the rest of the world, the essence of Indian culture.

I had the ‘privilege’ of watching one of Vijaykanth’s movies in which he lights a cigarette with his own blood.

Message Intended: He is a powerful man with powerful blood (enough to light a cigarette). This high voltage blood flows through his body.

In the next scene, he touches his moustache which sends a man flying away.
Hidden Message: I give up. May be he wants to convey to the audience that his moustache has magical powers (that’s only my guess).

What sort of a message will this convey about the people of Tamilnadu (in general INDIA)? Won’t these movies show us as fools who believe in such rotten portrayal of larger-than life characters? Do the foreigners have a biased opinion about our mental abilities before they meet us first time?

The Pandora box opener- Mr.Akash Chopra

2004-10-30T23:40:00.000+05:30

This blog is dedicated to the most incompetent, shameless (fill in with your favorite adjective) opener that India has ever produced, Mr. Akash Chopra. I doubt if his total score crossed 20 in all the 4 innings he played against Australia.

Had Mr. Akash been an Australian, with his severely limited talent, he might not have found a place in his school team. I wonder if he was taught in his academy that hitting the ball to the man in the second slip would fetch him quick runs.

He could consider changing his name to Akash chopra b Mcgrath, since that’s what the score card shows most of the times. At least that would save him from the ignominy of answering the press. There can be no second thoughts about his batting ‘abilities’. This blog is intended to reason out his inclusion into the team.

[Situation: The men in blue need one more man to fill the 11 member squad.]

Ganguly: We need another man now, Right now!! The match is about to start in 10 minutes.

John Wright: That’s impossible. We don’t have any reserve men.

G: We can’t play with 10 men can we?

JW: No. The article 213 section (II) of cricket doesn’t permit it.

G: Let’s go for a stroll. It’s noisy here and I can’t think.

[Outside the chinnaswamy stadium]

G: Hey you fool!! Can’t you cross roads properly? The red truck missed you by whiskers.

Mr. X: Oops!! It must be my lucky day. Sir, I am colour-blind. I can’t see anything red.

G (to himself): This is my man. If he can’t spot a big RED truck think of the cricket ball!! He would definitely score less than me and I would be spared of criticism.

JW: I know what’s going on your mind Mr. Ganguly I am strictly against it.

G: Keep quite Mr. Wright. Young man, you’re playing for India. What’s your name by the way?

Mr. X (in a state of shock): Akash Chopra.

Congratulations to the INDIAN team for winning the final test match. Incidentally it came after dropping the hero of this post.

Bureaucracy starts from our colleges.

2004-10-24T21:55:00.000+05:30

My computer service man fears orders from any college. He narrated the "Bureaucracy" that he once suffered at the hands of the college staff.

An order for 50 computers was placed by the computer science dept of a VEL known college. The money would only be paid after getting those squiggly signatures from the lab attendant, Lab in charge, HOD, Director and then the Chairman.

The lab attendant would only sign if all the manuals (papers) for all the 50 monitors, processors etc are given (in spite of the fact that all 50 computers are of same configuration). Even if one of them is missing they'd have to get a color Xerox of the manual papers. This process usually takes about 2 days...

The HOD (even if the seller is Intel/IBM) “feels" that the computers are not up to his expectations. He would also drill in the fact that only after his signing, the papers would move to the next desk. He imposes his authority only for free mouse-pads, free software and other freebies to be installed at his home. It almost takes a week to get the sign from the HOD since he is often found "busy" in meetings and other "important" things.

The computer vendor would get the ultimate shock of his life only after the chairman "thinks" (an oxymoron how can chairmen of colleges think?) that the money involved is too much for 50 computers. The chairman (most of them are from a 'lesser said the better' backgrounds) would get reminded of bargaining with a vegetable vendor, quote prices that will increase the number of BP patients by one.

We can very well extend these Bureaucratic ways to the top level brass that runs our country. It’s now evident as to why it takes 10 years to buy a few fighter planes for our Air force which in fact clamors for new weaponry.

Unless we mend our ways at the lower levels, reaching an “Investor friendly market” will have to continue remaining in quotations.

A Challenge to Newtonian Physics

2004-10-16T21:31:00.000+05:30

[Prologue]

The weighing machine constantly reminds me of the burden I cause to mother earth. The needle remains oblivious to the amount of hard work I put in my treadmill. Something must be wrong somewhere…
One fine day while I was sipping my coffee the reason struck me like a lightning, the following is the charge I transferred to the paper.

[Prologue ends]

Proof

Velocity = distance/time

Acceleration = dv/dt (change in velocity) ----- (I)

F = m . a ----- (II)

Force = mass x acceleration

Work done = F. d -----(III)

Since I run at a constant speed of 10 kmph on my treadmill,
Velocity = 10 kmph
Acceleration = 0 m/s2 (change in velocity =0) -----(IV)

Sub (IV) in (II)

F = 0 N ------(V)

Sub (V) in (III)

Work done = 0

Inference : I end up doing no work running. Blame it on bloody physics

My bro in california man...

2004-10-14T20:53:00.000+05:30

"Where is your brother in theUS?" seems to be standard question that confronts the siblings of the american brothers and sisters back here.I have found it really difficult to cope up with these half-wit, crazy middle-aged uncles and aunties.

I somehow sabotage my anger and answer them polietly "Well..he is in california" and pat comes the next question "What is he doing?" .."my son is near by...how long is it from philedelphia?"

Next time someone wants to know about the whereabouts of my brother i swear to god to answer in the following way..

"hey...i dont know where is now..it must be morning there, so he must be in his toilet and you wanted to know what he's doing? well shitting ofcourse!!"

Wordsworth in the making II

2004-10-09T13:26:00.000+05:30

I am starting to love myself. I am definitely a wordsworth in the making. I donot want to waste the time of the reader..here we go

LOVE

Love is the driving force,
that leaves you with many woes. 2

Deep love certainly penetrates
But i prefer the surface ;) 4

The difference is indeed confusing,
between love and love making 6

Love marriage is happy ofcourse,
what follows ultimately is divorce. 8

This thing ne'er takes you up
buddy enjoy your GINGER LEMON POP! 10

courtesy - Web technology exam 8/10/04

Wordsworth in the making I

2004-10-09T13:19:00.000+05:30

One of the most uninteresting things in the world, next only to listening to your girlfriend, is sitting idle in the exam hall. I had this 'enchanting' experience during my model exams and ended up writting (if you'll let me call it) a POEM

BOREDOM

Life is hell!!
when you sit in exam hall. 2

It's better to be screwed
than to sit bored. 4

There cannot be a sorry man
like our friend Vikraman 6

on whose epitaph shall
the follwing be written 8

"Another casuality of boredom"

courtesy - Professional ethics exam 7/10/04

We are poor at marketing.

2004-09-22T13:37:00.003+05:30

"Bahut achcha pradharshan yuvraj se" and from the bathroom i thought yuvraj must have saved yet another single. I was wrong. It was an extrodinary catch taken at point to dismiss the "wildrat" Moin khan, who has the reputation of digging burrows in the hopes of the opposition. Yuvy with his belligerent performances has won many matches for us, such an electrifying moment can never be downplayed like that.

In fact the commentator was coughing right into his Mic that i had to sit a few yards away from the screen. At times i even believed that it was an extension of the glycodin ad.

Had it been Tony greig he must have said "oh boy what a catch was that. This young man is surely the new face of indian fielding.The indians are up again the pakis are trembling..." well that certainly would've raised the spirits of many indians. Isn't it the responsibility of the commentators to add spice to the match? since all of us(viewers) have accepted that watching is more fun than playing a game.

Apart from a few exceptions like Harsha bogle and Ravi shastri the indians have never been able to reach world class commentry.

XPee

2004-09-12T22:47:00.000+05:30

Microsoft seems adamant at continuing with its legacy of replacing one piece of shit
with an other. At times they have the guts to add "XPerience" tag to it.

I didn't want to be left alone in the race of installing new OS's and hence got lured;a distant relative of Adam you see,and ended up paying the penality for it very much like my great grandfather.

XP has new improved features
1. No blue screens; they are replaced by gray ones(message boxes).
2. Intutive messages; "LSA shell script error at module !@#$@#"
3. Bug reporting feature; You can either "send" or "dont send" the errors,either way you waste time.
4. Highly stable; the machine stays the user runs off.

This,probably,is microsoft's idea of a person using Windows XP

Once i figured out that my face bore no resemblance to the pic i switched back to my earlier OS.Life was atleast moving at snail's pace when i had my win-98 working.

and... if you're looked down for possessing a primitive OS.

1. stretch your hand.
2. fold your fist.
3. Open the third finger.

The day of the Jackal

2004-09-09T22:05:00.000+05:30

Very few novels are devoid of loopholes; some of them have potholes in them.
This one by Fredrick Forsyth must be one of his masterpieces, am yet to read Fourth protocol.

I couldn’t put the book down; it was an awesome read. I, however, would’ve preferred a different ending, had the Jackal not been…NO I want you to read it.

Forsyth reinstated the prestige of crime novels after being cruelly taken for a ride by a few others (remember Agatha’s Miss.Marple versions?)
From an engineering point of view, as the page number increases the excitement in the novel grows exponentially.

God has his own ways of punishing men

2004-09-05T14:21:00.000+05:30

I went to my native place, on the outskirts of chennai, to attend a family function. Nanganallur is one of the few places where the apartment culture hasn’t caught up. The serene surroundings, coconut trees and the independent houses make a rendezvous with Mother Nature quite possible. The place is also famous for its temples; the 32-feet anchaneya idol attracts people from north as well. One gets the feeling of travelling back in time to the 1980s.

Well it was here that three women in their mid thirties wanted me to accompany them to all the temples. Although born into a Brahmin family I hadn’t visited a temple in 2 years. Only when I undress and discover a white thread hanging around my shoulders do I realise of my rich heritage. Unable to churn out an immediate excuse I agreed to go with them.

Not wanting to go inside the temple I wanted to wait outside but I was defeated. Dragging a 20 year old guy inside the temple couldn’t have been difficult for the trio for they have the credit of taming three men who are much older to men. I mean their husbands.

My order, once inside the temple, was to go around each sannidhanam eight times; there were 7 in all. While I was completing my laps hurriedly I pitied Schumacher for his profession. Going around a closed circuit isn’t certainly interesting! But at least he’s paid for it and drives with breathtaking speeds. Speed at least thrills even if it kills. I noticed the idol of anchaneya looking mockingly at me without any consideration for a soul which had just completed 7X8 =56 laps.

Well I remember now, I hadn’t gone for my jogging session in the morning and made my friend wait for a long time. God certainly has his own ways of punishing men!

Desires unfulfilled.

2004-08-29T20:55:00.000+05:30

“Thair sadham Inga” (Curd rice here please), that was the third futile attempt I made to devour my favourite dish to finish my feast with a bang. It however had the same effect as the tehelka issue on India; falling on deaf ears.

It’s definitely an advantage to be the son of the GM of a premier company. I get to attend a lot of ostentatious weddings. The two aspects that make a wedding hit are the females the food. I was satisfied with the former while it was the latter that I suffered with.

The dining halls with dense A/c had many ‘service’ men in professional outfits. It takes a lot of guts to ask one of them for an extra serving; for you’re not sure which one of them is the service guy. You certainly don’t want to end up asking the bridegroom for some extra ‘kurma’. Despite this I raised my guts to ask for my favourite curd rice (slurp! How much I love it). I only succeeded in sending each of them a little further apart every time.

After a while when I looked at my plantain It showed no signs of food being ever placed on it. The guy who sat next to me must have decided that I was a glutton; for he never once looked in my direction.

The most important aspect of servicing is in fact servicing and nothing else. I wished to go back to the time when the bare-chested Brahmins served food; every one got to eat well without feeling shy. While I was lost in my thoughts I heard someone shouting “thair sadham Inga”.

I woke up to wash my hands with a smile on my face.

The sorry state of Indian Hockey

2004-08-24T18:10:00.000+05:30

The midfielders of the past who could collect and pass on to the strikers while on the move were indeed responsible for the eight olympic gold medals that we gloat about.

It now becomes progressively more embarrassing, especially as an Indian, to note the successive failures of the once powerful team. The team, which once remained a nightmare, runs the risk of being termed mere pushovers. Insipid passes, unnecessary shots at the post (which have as much chance as my grand mom winning a marathon) are responsible for this debilitated image in the global front.

This article, however, is not aimed to take a dig at the abilities of the former powerhouse of the game. It’s about a more serious aspect- their attitude. The Indian hockey team seems to have grasped a lot of ideas from Indian politics. They have mastered the art of pacifying the angry supporters by a heart attack drama, which is so heavily used in the political front. Deepak thakur's admission into the ICU after the loss to New Zealand is certainly an act of cowardice.

They should have been brave enough to accept the ignominy and should have refrained from such low-level acts. The situation now looks fairly simple; Mr. Sunil Dutt will opine "The most important thing in Olympics is not winning, but participating". The issue will be hushed over and will soon be lost in the eternal gloom that surrounds our Indian sporting fraternity.

How many marks did your culture score?

2004-08-16T08:03:00.000+05:30

Be it Western,Indian or one of those archaic middle-east cultures, its worthiness is gauged purely based on its perfomance.The idea of evaluating one based on materialistic achievements such as the number of nobel prizes won, olympic medals bagged might not appear sane. A few might argue that a culture has nothing to do with the perfomance of an individual,such people understand neither culture nor perfomance.

Culture to a large extent is responsible for modelling an individual's charachter,for its the culture that either permits one to chase the wild dreams or to look out for a secure clerical job.

I beg the reader for some retrospection. Has anyone in your neighbourhood won an olympic medal? a nobel prize? F1 racing? or any other commendable achievement that would've made the other nations to look up at us?

The status of a third world nation is not an excuse(infact we are not a third world country anymore). We certainly dont hail from the deep jungles of congo either. Our country offers good infrastructure such as the IITs. Why then do we fail miserably when it comes to producing results? Much of the reason can be attributed to our culture.

We are a bunch of frogs that live deep inside a well. When one of it wants to jump out and break free the others pull it down, in the name of 'concern'. We are happy to croack eternally.Yes. I am referring to our social structure. Our ambitions and actions dont escape prying eyes of our neighbours. Those inquisitive souls armoured with questions put down our fantasies, even before the seed has started to bud.

"Bungee jumping? Can you make a career out of it? No one will be ready to give their daughter for a bungee jumper." and that leaves us with those two obvious choices -Doctor or an engineer.

Those who believe that our culture has a lot of love and affection to offer others must necessarily understand the difference between pure love and mean selfishness.To use one's influence to get a job for near n dear is not love. Our country would'nt have been a corrupt nation had we showed love to our fellow country men. This leaves us successptible for a forgein invasion even in this era.

Baring a few practises, I strongly feel, Our culture should find the nearest dustbin.

Genetic Algorithms-are here to stay

2004-08-12T23:50:00.000+05:30

"Everything that can be invented has already been invented" was the famous quote of a scientist named Albert Michaelson in 1894. It was quoted long before some of the powerful inventions of mankind such as atomic bomb,aeroplanes.

Mankind has therefore never been left to feel complascent of its achievements.Time and again a new discovery revolutionises the world and creates a completely new environment for the people to live in.

The mechanical problem solvers,later came to be known as computers, were thought to be a mere science fiction until john von neuman laid down his architecture for a practical computer.It was the turn of the Transistors, in the early 60s, to revolutionise the computing world.The screeching,gigantic mechanical devices were scaled down to 'compact' ones to fit into a room. contemporary inventions in the field of electronics have further helped to diminish their size.

The computers of today have shrunk the world into a single entity,a global village.Information exchange,Email,file sharing would have remained one of those Michael Chriton thingies but for the Internet. Evidently such complex services require complex algorithms that strive to reduce the computing time to a minimum.

The computing problems can be broadly divided into two categories -P(polynomial complexity) and the NP(Non-polynomial complexity). The former class has specific algorithms to solve them efficiently while the conventional algorithms suffer with the latter. One such NP problem is the Travelling Sales Man (TSP) problem which has a time complexity of O(2^n), ie for every addition of a city the complexity of the problem doubles.

It is to tackle such problems that we need a more intelligent approach. An approach that's totally different,since the conventional algorithms have accepted a sullen defeat. A revolutionary concept to combat problems stated above is the Genetic Algorithms(GA).

GA differs from its conventional counterpart in a lot of ways. The solution offered by the GA is unpredictable. Most of the times,however,it gifts its users with an incredibly good solution. Having made the reader come upto this, the author feels a sense of responsibility to bestow him/her with some of his (mis)interpretations of the concept.

A baby baring a few basic instincts,such as sucking the mother's milk(takes a lot of concentration to adhere to the topic),is born naive. It however learns as it grows older. Its intelligence therefore increases with time. GA adpots a similar approach.

The solutions produced in the first generation are quite unacceptable while the one's produced by the later generations are better.Generation 1 therefore consists only of a set of random solutions. One among this is chosen depending on how well it satisfies the fitness function.

Fitness function hence is responsible to select one out of the many samples in a generation. It embodies the concept of Charles Darwin's theory - "survival of the fittest". Once the fitness function is properly defined, the programmer can sit back to watch the program grow intelligent!

After a sample is picked by the above mentioned function, it is subjected to Cross-over and Mutation to give rise to the next generation which is more "intelligent" and adapted to its environment.It is evident that as the number of generations increases the solution obtained gets bettered.

The author feels confident of the immense potential of the GA, atleast until the project work is over, they have certainly come here to stay,more importantly revolutionise.

Item	Response	Item	Response	Item	Response
*1		2		*3
*4		*5		*6
7		8		9
*10		*11		*12
13		14		*15
Total
	Self disclosure		Openness to feedback		Perceptiveness