Candle light vigil for our heores, at chennai

We had a candle light vigil for our security men who put down their lives to save us during the Mumbai terror attack. These are some pictures from the event. The vigil was organised on December 7, 2008 at Marina beach. I'm posting the photos a little late, but better late than never.

Steps to tackle Terrorism

Finally, Pakistan has agreed that it’s ‘soil was used’ in planning the Mumbai attack. I’m sure they will ultimately agree that it was planned and executed from Pakistan. Absolving itself from the terrorist attack was stupid in the first place. It is like farting in a swimming pool and denying it, though you may not agree, the evidence is there for all to see. 

Notwithstanding the wishes of many nations around the world, Pakistan cannot be asked to stop all its terrorism related activities at once. For Terrorism contributes significantly to Pakistan’s GDP. Under the ‘Terrorism sector’ come some vital components such as – foreign exchange earnt through illegal export of technology (nuclear and other), foreign exchange through Al-qaeda’s operations in its western border, money earnt through illegal sale of opium trade by Taliban which has its new base in NWFP(North West Frontier Province in Pakistan), remittances from Pakistani terrorists abroad etc.

 Managing the international border with such a neighbour is no joke. A clever tactic needs to be employed by our politicians and diplomats. War is definitely not the solution – not just because it leads to collateral damage, but such a threat would fail to scare them. War mongers don’t get scared by a threat of war, in fact they become happy. If they can plan the ‘Mumbai attack’ before finding the assassins of their ex-prime minister, what else are they?

I didn’t intend to make this post sound sarcastic, but I couldn’t help it. We (Indians) are anguished by the Mumbai terror attack. The kind of public response that followed must have convinced everyone that Indians hadn’t forgotten to unite at the time of crisis –something our grandfathers learnt while fighting the British. The public response was spontaneous, widespread, and included all sections of the society. By the way, it also ended the careers of some politicians in the country

Pakistan of today poses a big threat to the peace and tranquility of all nations around the world. The state has accepted the Taliban’s hold in the swat valley and has given them the control of judiciary. From now, terrorists will dispense justice to people, instead of the government. Ever heard of such a thing? Why does Pakistan want our Kashmir valley, so that they can convert it to another swat valley?

If we have to examine why Pakistan has reached where it has, we have to go back to the pre-independence era to analyse the circumstances that justified its creation. Pakistan was conceptualized on a false premise that the political and economic interests of Hindus and Muslims were separate. This notion is unscientific because religion cannot be the basis of political and economic interests or of political groupings.

Mohammed Ali jinnah in his maiden presidential address to the constituent assembly of Pakistan said “…If you change your past and work together in a spirit that everyone of you, no matter to what community he belongs, no matter what relations he had with you in the past, no matter what is his colour, caste or creed, is first, second and last a citizen of this State with equal rights, privileges, and obligations, there will be on end to the progress you will make.” Basically, he was trying to put back the genie into the bottle, which he had helped to let out earlier. It was the same man who had earlier remarked “I alone with the help of my secretary and type-writer won Pakistan for Muslims”.

India has the 3^rd largest Muslim population in the world – after Indonesia and Pakistan. I can say with confidence that Muslims in India are much more secure (we don’t attack our girls attending schools with acid) and prosperous than the citizens of Pakistan. It is ironical because Pakistan was founded to further the interests of Muslims, as it was felt that it could not be done in a Hindu majority country.  

In India, we have always hailed our citizens for their good work –without any bias for their religion. Many of our citizens who happen to be Muslims have reached highest constitutional positions in our country. Examples are plenty, from Maulana abul kalam azad (our noted education minister) to APJ Abdul kalam (our ex-president). At the time of composing this post, entire India is jubilant and in a celebration mode for the oscar award that our musician AR Rahman has won. In fact even in a fanatic sport like cricket, we have had many Muslim cricketers who have led India – such as Mansoor ali khan pataudi, Mohammed Azharuddin. 

How does Pakistan treat its minorities (Hindus in Pakistan)? The percentage of minorities has been declining in Pakistan since its independence, as they are being forcibly converted to the state religion of Islam. On the other hand, in India the percentage of Hindus (the majority religion) has been declining. This clearly shows that Indian society is much more liberal and tolerant than that of Pakistan. Indians are free to convert and profess any religion they want.

However critics may point out the Babri masjid demolition as an example of religious intolerance in India. No doubt, demolition of the Masjid is a black mark on the Hindu-Muslim unity in India. I really hope some government in the future constructs a new mosque in the site. However it is also true that destruction of temples in Pakistan is an every-day event. The destruction of Ramna kali mandir and Dhakeswari temple are glaring examples. In 2006, a hindu temple in Lahore was demolished to make way for a multi-storied commercial building. As far as religious intolerance is concerned, what is exception in India is the norm in Pakistan.

Having said all this, I still consider Pakistanis as my brothers who had severed their relations with us because of some misunderstanding. Indians can equate themselves more with Pakistanis than with the British or Americans even today. Our lives had evolved together since the times of Indus valley civilization, Mughal rule, and continued till the occupation of the British. It was the clever “divide and rule” policy of the British that we succumbed to. We had been naïve not to have understood the implications of certain poisonous acts of the British -such as the Partition of Begal in 1905 which created a Muslims majority province of East Bengal, and the Morley-Minto Act of 1909 which provided separate electorates for Muslims. I dream of the day when India and Pakistan would again become one-nation. That day, with our combined strength, we will crush our common enemies. We could make Taliban-juice and fertilise our dry lands. 

Being Gay

After reading the following post, you might conclude that I could have avoided this controversial title. Yet, if you acknowledge the fact that making people visit your blog requires some advertisement, you wouldn’t complain. : - )

This post is about the growing ‘pink slips’ being given to employees of private organization due to the economic recession which is evidenced worldwide. If we were to analyze where the “global meltdown” started, we might point our fingers to the bankruptcy of some of the premier financial institutions, much more fundamental reason would be the sub-prime crisis. These financial institutions failed miserably because they had invested huge sums of money and bought the sub-prime mortgage loans. More concrete than that would be the stupidity of the banks in lending huge sums of money to people who had no means to return them, in the hope of increasing their profits with their money which was lying idle. If we have to sum up all of this and say it in one word, we have to choose “Greed” to describe it rightly.

One of the immediate consequences of an economic slowdown is layoffs. The person who is shown the door may not be responsible for the plight of the company, in most cases like the recent crisis he may not even know the cause completely, yet he is asked to go! What could be the rationale behind the indiscriminate firing adopted by the companies whenever even the slightest of economic troubles crop up? We can accept layoffs as a last minute resort under unavoidable circumstances, but one cannot understand why they are being used as the first method to deal with financial instabilities.

The reason is not hard to find out. These companies don’t think they are dealing with human beings, for them you’re a “human resource”. You’re one of the most dispensable of the resources available to a company, unlike the physical resources like buildings, land etc. The “human resources” in a private company don’t form workers’ union and it becomes so easy to get them out without fearing a backlash. Also, when good times come and if it is required to acquire some of these “resources” to make more money, they are easily available in the market. This is the understanding that the companies have of a warm blooded human being like you and me.

Once hired, maximum ‘throughput’ has to be obtained from the “resource”. This can be done only when the “resource” is engaged for 12-14 hours a day (sometimes even longer). But how does this affect the human being? Bangalore may be the software capital of India, but did you know it is also the divorce capital and the suicide capital of India? The city has got this distinction only after it witnessed the software boom. The work conditions in a private company are not different from the ones that existed in the days of Industrial revolution in Britain. Plainly put, it is extortion. The glittery office cubicles, swimming pools, gym, that these companies show to prove their commitment to the workforce are in reality a clever idea designed in some management book to motivate the “human resources” in order to obtain maximum throughput. It is like playing music to a milch cow to make it yield more milk.

Most software companies in India resorted to “preemptive” firing because they wanted to meet their financial targets for the year set by their board. It is a fact that most of the companies that resorted to layoffs posted profits. What does it indicate? It shows desperation on the part of the companies to keep the investors (share holders) happy. Unless the investors are happy, the share prices will not remain high in the stock exchanges. Thus the companies are ready to keep the unseen and ever-changing investor happy (since the shares change hands frequently) , by resorting to cost cutting by removing the “human resources” who have worked for long hours every day, without complaining and at the cost of their own personal lives. However, the companies know that they have to conceal this opportunism and turn GAY. They fire their resources citing “under performance”, this reason cannot be contested in any court and is highly subjective, which makes it easy for the companies to get rid of an employee. If it is true that suddenly so many “resources” have turned under performers then shouldn’t the HR department be sacked en masse for recruiting them? Was it hatching eggs when the said underperformers were hired, made permanent after the initial period, being given an increment in their salaries, given promotions, given merit certificates appreciating their good work?

This forces us to analyse some philosophical issues. Why do we need development and to whom should it be directed? Is it for giving means to people so that they will be empowered, or is it simply for acquiring more wealth for the sake of wealth? What is the point in making money by pushing people into poverty? It is like winning wars by killing lakhs of men and pushing thousands of families into sorrow. What is the point in denying hundreds of human beings their happiness, and design an electronic gadget that promises its holders exactly the same?

Though many of us feel strongly about these issues, we hold back and don’t express them because of the fear of being prosecuted. We must know the rights guaranteed to us by our constitution. I know that I enjoy the ‘Right to freedom of speech and expression’ guaranteed under Article 19-1(a) of my constitution. If someone asks me to shut up, I know I can directly approach the Supreme Court, the highest court in the land, under Article 32, for the infringment of my Fundamental Right. Most of us may be professional graduates, yet when it comes to knowing our rights and fighting the bully, we are no different from the people who were subjugated to slavery. “Our lives begin to end the day, when we remain silent about things that matter” – Martin Luther king.

The day we know our rights, we will turn human beings from human resources.

Politics for dummies

I have given the wannabe politicians of this country, who must be in their mid-twenties and thirties, a list of ideas which have provided their earnest followers with rich dividends. If you want to climb to the top of the political hierarchy, you must diligently follow one approach and you shall be rightly rewarded in the ballot box.

Before I give you the list, here are a few things you must know about the electorate and in general about the people of this country.

1. They are down right selfish, what else do you expect in a resource constrained environment? They praise you when you give them concessions and hate you when you don’t. (Didn’t you see Mr.Bainsla - the gujjar head, who spoke so much against Ms Vasundhara Raje saluting her when she announced concessions to his community?)

2. People Identify themselves more with their language, religion, caste, and other such groupings. The Indian identity is reserved for India-Pakistan cricket match.

3. People don’t understand economics. They can’t appreciate when you fix the budget deficit, fiscal deficit of the country or set right the Balance of payment there by putting the economy back on rails. They respond better when you give them free TVs, free electricity, fertilizer, waive their loans etc

4.They are emotional. This is an unique characteristic of the Indian population. They vote for you if you lose someone in your family or meet with an accident. Many elections are announced when such mishaps happen –Mr.Chandrababu naidu knows it better.


If you understand the above concepts, it will not be tough to lap up the following recommendations to attract the electorate.

1. Pro-linguistic drama.

a) You could be a person who cannot pronounce many words right in your language (forget the writing part). Yet, you must send your party men (rowdies) and threaten the commercial establishments to replace their name boards from English to local language within a given time. It may make your already tourist-unfriendly state worse but don’t worry, foreigners don’t vote in our elections.

b) You can conduct a one-day fast to “pressurise” the centre to recognize your language as a classical language. You don’t need to know what that status means for your language, but be sure to rush before someone else takes it up.

c) Thackeryism. This is a proven strategy wherein you ask people who don’t speak your language in your region to get out so that the sons of the soil can get that job. Though the very jobs you want “your people” to get are themselves snatched from sons of the foreign soil, no one will question you about it. People can’t think that far.

2. Pro-culture drama

a) Suddenly, you can appoint yourself the custodian of our Indian culture. Ask the bar-dancers to stop or risk being prosecuted, close down the bars by 11pm, give the police an additional job of moral policing, and you’ll surely strike a chord with the majority. You can email Mr.R.R.Patil (Home minister of Maharashtra) to understand the nuances better.

b) Anti-Love. Select such men and women in the society who couldn’t find a person in the opposite sex to have fun or the ones who have a skewed opinion about the opposite sex, love and life in general. Recruit them into your party and these guys will “protect the culture” really well by chasing away couples from parks during Lovers day and by damaging the shops that sell greeting cards for lovers.

3. Anti-Muslim/ Pro Muslim

Look, the society is made of many fools who cannot see the virtues of the secular values enshrined in our constitution. Interestingly, though sacred texts like the “Bagavad Gita” asks its followers to see only god in all things -living and non-living, and enunciates the concept of ‘oneness’ in all beings, there are many misguided youngsters in India (both Hindu and Muslim), who miss this truth. You can harness this to your advantage depending on whether Muslims are in majority/minority in your region. Accordingly, you can ask them to “go to their country”, or give them reservations and appoint a worthless committee for their upliftment (like the Rajinder Sachar committee).

4. Anti-Industrialisation (pseudo pro-farmer)

You can threaten the industrialist who invests in your region with dire consequences if he doesn’t do “justice” for the farmers and block him from doing business. You don’t even have to tell him what will amount to doing justice. If you’re forced, then you could ask for something impossible which will eventually send the poor guy packing. Though the people of that town may dislike you or even hate you, you can be sure of votes in the larger level. This brand of politics off late is also knows as “MamataLitics”. More commonly this is the strategy followed by Indian communists who seek to achieve equality in the society by bringing the rich to the level of the poor.

5 .Support for strikes

When a bunch of government employees go on a strike, usually in protest of being asked to move their lazy bums and do some work, you could “be with them” and support their rightful demands. Though it has the risk of inviting the public ire, you can trust the public memory for being short. Moreover it can win you chunks of votes from trade unions.

I hope with that, I have sown the seeds of the next generation of politicians in this country ;) I invite my visitors to give more ideas to the budding leaders.

DARE TO THINK BEYOND MEDIOCRITY?

It is irritating to see full page advertisements of management schools wooing prospective candidates to join their institutes. Everyone, including the person who occupies half the page of the advertisement, knows its all for the money. Why then drag premier institutes like IIMs and IITs into it?

First of all these institutes don’t have any entrance examination worth the name. Anybody who can pay the fee they demand can secure a seat in these institutes - and they have the audacity to ask you to “dare to think beyond the IIMs and IITs”!

Tell that sick looking man in the ad that an institute doesn’t become famous by promising free laptops to students – by the way those “free” laptops are charged through “invisible” components in the fee structure. Also add to the invisible component charges for “free” trips to Europe.

It is sad that advertisements should rely on women from shaving blades to management institutes. Showing cute women working on laptops, girls and guys playing basketball and hugging each other are aggressive marketing strategies targeting the male crowd.

To satisfy the middle aged parent about the “high standards” of the institute there is a write-up on current national events at the bottom of the advertisement. Such articles are written knowing completely that they won’t be read by anyone. It is this confidence that gives the writer the strength to write whatever he feels like. At best some bored soul may skim through them – yet they find a place in the ad to convey the “seriousness” of the institute in imparting sound education.

It is sad that education should be advertised like a commodity, and I’m not sure if it’s the case with developed countries too. Such advertisements show the failure of the state to regulate the quality of education and provide enough opportunities for students to study. People who brag about the power of privatization, free market policy to solve the problems of the bygone era should learn from this.

World 2050

I have presented a critique of the world order in the year 2050A.D. This might hurt you more than just a bit if you stand for capitalism, nuclear non-proliferation, market controlled economy and other evil things on earth.

An article from a leading daily in the year 2050 A.D…

Sub-Prime Marriage Crisis rocks the world….(11.06.2050)
Sub-Prime Marriage is a highly complex financial instrument which had entered the stock markets recently. The sub-prime marriage loans were widely given to Americans who wanted to get married without having enough cash on hands to ring their wedding bells. The couples agreed to pay a fixed interest to the bank as long as they stayed in the marriage without getting divorced. However the problem started when the banks lent these loans to unscrupulous couples who had no intention of staying together for long. The banks started making heavy losses when most of the marriages ended in divorce prematurely. This forced the clever banks to shift their losses to the people and markets by making complex instruments called Credit derivative obligations (CDO) out of the pre nuptial agreements.

These ‘sub-prime’ loans were unfortunately given ‘AAA’ (the best rating possible) by the credit rating agencies like the Poor &Very Poor, MoodyRaters and others without reading their recklessly written pre-nuptial agreements. Thus many investors believing them to be promising investments invested their hard earned cash. When the marriage-linked financial instrument started failing, the markets went bearish and the economy went into recession. The Central bank chief Mr. Bumbake urged Americans to stay in their marriage for long to help their country bail out of recession.

The chief of Banks’ association who did not admit that sub-prime Marriage stocks were an example of the failure of Capitalism retorted angrily that it was in fact a different form of socialism in which the ‘profits are privatized while the losses are socialised’.

US prez replies to subprime- Marriage Crisis ( 12.06.2050)
... Uncle Sam blamed the developing nations - especially India and China for the present recession in the world. He pointed out how the people of these two nations were eating a lot which resulted in spiraling of world prices. He also pointed out that the world must learn to live like his countrymen who use minimum resources for their living. When a reporter interrupted the president and informed him that it was his honorable country men who used papers right from sneezing to shitting which caused enormous pressure on the tress of the world, the president cut the reporter short by saying “Those trees are got from Africa where dragons fly and humans don’t live anyway”. He was greeted by a wide round of applause.

The President continued his speech by saying that the hike in world prices of oil is due to the uranium enrichment programme carried out in the ‘secret establishments’ of the oil-and-gas-rich-yet-impoverished state of Mamalia in the sub-saharan Africa. He said Mamalia was posing a grave threat to humanity and it must immediately discontinue its uranium enrichment program. It is pertinent to note that the UN has released its AYCR (As if You Care to Read) document promptly to condemn USA’s intention. The President however asked his army to be ready to save the motherland from the enemy.

Mamalia’s Response (13.06.2050)
The oil-and-gas-rich-yet-impoverished state of Mamalia had replied that its top bureaucrats had heard of the name ‘Uranium’ only once before the US President had accused Mamalia of enriching it -in a spielberg movie. The Mamalian president who had recently won an election without even participating in it angrily shot back at USA by saying ‘USA will bite dust if they war with us’. He admitted that if Mamalia had enough money to buy uranium its citizens would give themselves a good shave everyday.

The Mamalian president replied irritatingly to a question on how he won the election without competing in it by saying “Mamalia has its own form of democracy in which the opponents to the ruling party lose everytime.”

Emergency in Pakistan

Pakistan has been dragged into an emergency by yet another dictator. That’s not much news, considering the fact that the country's citizens have largely not seen what democracy is after its cessation from India.
However I wouldn't call it a "failed state" or anything like that, because it’s quite simple to write off a country but it’s difficult to set things right. I firmly believe many of Pakistan’s problems such as the Talibanisation of its North West Frontier Province, tribal warlords of Balochistan have solution not in the military might but by enforcing the voter's right.

Emergency: What is it?
I'm not sure when Emergency option was last used for the "right" reason. Let’s first analyse what we mean by Emergency and its effect on the country at large.
Emergency leads to
1. Cancellation of a citizen's Fundamental Rights such as - Right to freedom of expression, to assemble peacefully, to choose a profession of any choice etc
2. It gives ultimate power to the president/head of the executive.
3. Bills are passed without consultation in the legislature.
4. None of the rights can be enforced in the court of law.

Why does a state need this provision?
Emergency is a “necessary evil” for any country. Consider India for example. Being a large country (7th largest in the world) it is divided into states for administrative convenience. All its citizens, irrespective of which state they belong, enjoy the Fundamental rights (articles 13 - 21) as mentioned above modeled along the lines of Bill of Rights of USA. The Indian constitution is common to all, except for J&K which has its Ranbir constitution. However the framers of our constitution felt that there were some contingencies which warranted the country to behave like a unitary state and to restrict the rights given to its citizens. For instance during an Emergency, the state can virtually issue “fatwas” or directions to a citizen. A car manufacturer for example could be forced to produce jeeps which will be more useful to the military, though it is unconstitutional during normal times.

In India emergencies were declared thrice - 1962 war with china, 1971 Bangladesh war, the infamous emergency declared by Indira Gandhi between 1975 and 1977 for which the congress is paying a price to this day. Infact during the emergencies even the Right to life (article 21) was denied to citizens. This means that if a person was shot dead, it could not be heard in any court of law. It was the Janata Government which passed the 44th constitutional amendment act which made Right to life mandatory even during emergencies.

Pakistan’s situation
The military plays a big role in Pakistan. The military has taken to itself even developmental administration. In Pakistan, bridges, roads and other civil establishments are constructed by the military. Military plays the role of a “businessman” without restricting itself to protecting the borders. This situation exists, unfortunately, in many countries of the world say – Fiji, Thailand, Myanmar. In Myanmar the military even calls itself SPDC (state peace development council) and has been ruling since 1990 when it cancelled the elections in which Aung san suu kyi won.

In a country where military has such a pronounced role, coups is only a natural phenomenon. In the countries mentioned above too there have been many coups and are presently ruled by military heads. In such countries a mere change of a military head receives so much attention as compared to large democracies – for instance how many people even took notice of the fact that Gen.Deepak Kapoor replaced Gen.JJ Singh as the new chief of army staff in India? I was happy to see that this news occupied only an insignificant place in the front page of newspapers. That’s how it ought to be.

Democracy is the only weapon with which we can fight the evils of terrorism, social inequalities and other maladies. It is by giving representation and not by gagging the citizen that development can be achieved. Development without democracy is like the comb in the hands of a bald man. Simply useless!

Theres nothing 'Public' about 'Public Administration'

I am presently studying "Public Administration" (pubAd) for my Civil Service Examinations. The subject is very interesting for those who have an inclination towards management and administration (not the excel sheet variety of management ofcourse).

I figured out that the macro level theories of PubAd fit perfectly at micro level too - that is at the family administration level. Consider the spirit of Public Administration, it reads

"Authority without responsibility leads to authoritarianism; while
responsibility without authority leads to anarchy(lack of order)".

How profound is that. I tried applying this to families and found it to fit perfectly. The Indian families of yesteryears could be termed as Authoritarian to say the least. The head honcho of the family (the father) decided all important decisions and it was his nod that enabled us to go ahead with our decisions. In many cases the father even decided his offspring's career! The mother's job was confined to the kitchen and even here her authority was checked in terms of the approval for buying groceries by the head of the family. Clearly in many ways we find that fathers enjoyed real authority without much responsibility (he never actually got the groceries himself). Certainly that was an authoritarian setup with no room for equality.

The families of today, on the other hand, can be seen to tread in an entirely new route which quite untested. These families generally constitute a husband and wife of similar qualification and income. They have certainly broken all barriers of the conventional authoritarian regime that is characteristic of a typical Indian household by espousing the 'virtue' of Anarchy – a complete lack of order in the house.

It is not uncommon to hear of stories about the husband and wife having a 50-50 'work sharing agreement' back at home – the wife cooks breakfast while the husband cooks the lunch. Other 'deals' could be that each of them make breakfast every alternate day. - it follows the paradigm “I toast a slice of bread and you toast another”. I wonder whether the binding force in this relationship could be love, i would bet it is more a case of practical room sharing agreement due to space and money constraints that one has with his/her room mate.

The relationship is built on the false premise that in a family there is no need for a person to act as the final deciding authority. However the truth is that no organization can survive without a leader. Even the most flat hierarchic of the organizations such as a startup software development company needs a department head. An headless creature and a two headed demon are both expected not to survive long.

In this type of relationship there is no one in the family who calls the shots. This indecisiveness could soon eat away the air of 'equality' that once formed the basis of the relationship 'deals' or prenuptial Agreements(soon expected to arrive at the Indian Matriominal scene).

The authoritarian family setup is indeed bad. But anarchy is not the answer to authoritarianism. We have to find an alternate middle path.

Come Lets Patent

That the USA has denied reports of trying to patent yoga postures comes as a relief to many Indians around the world. Many ardent yogis who wonder how the US got the right to decide whether it would patent or not a divine exercise which has it roots deeply planted in India, fail to realise that India had to fight a legal battle in the WTO to safeguard her interest when USA patented turmeric and Basmati rice both of which are associated with India since time immemorial.

It is a known fact that America either beats or buys talent and from history we know that they have been more successful in buying out talent. Lakhs of Indian engineers, doctors and other technocrats who are serving in US holding their precious dollars close to their chest stand a testimony to this. USA dominates every nation using its borrowed talent and it becomes important to patent every piece of research to save itself from defection. The issue of evergreening the patents (continue to provide royalty forever) given to life saving drugs is only the tip of the ice berg. USA with its Super 501 and special 501 clauses threatens LDCs(least developed countries) to approve evergreening of such drugs so that these drug companies can continue to extract high profits from these poor nations. India was recently forced to amend her Intellectual property rights Act to fall in line. India had to budge as USA threatened to stop all import of Indian generic drugs which have a good market in the US.

Aren't patents unfair beyond a point? How can obsolete technology be patented beyond 20 years? How can obvious 'inventions' be patented? For instance, the mother of redundant patents, Microsoft has patented the radio button which lets you select one choice among the given alternatives. With the growing competition between the nations, it wouldn't be a surprise if the US ends up patenting our Kamasutra. You'd then be required to fix a camera in your bedroom and perform only those acts (postures) for which you have paid money. If you're found to venture into other 'unpaid' acts during your moments of intimacy, you'd be fined along with the relevant video showing your violation.

India can try her luck too by patenting Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism as they originated from our country. We could then charge people a nominal fee for practicing it. We could also get royalty from Srilanka, South East Asia as they have been 'using' our invention without paying. Those who continue to hold their dollars close to their chest could feel that this is a wonderful idea.

How insignificant is the human race?

One of the best ways to understand the relation between the earth and all that exists on it is to imagine that the earth is 46 years old. And when we write her life history, we find that we know nothing about the first seven years of her life, but the deeds of her later childhood are to be seen in the old rocks.

Most of what we recognise on earth, including all substantial life is the product of the last six years of its life(i.e 600 m.y). She flowered, in her middle age. Her continents were quite bare of its life till she was almost 42 and flowering plants did not appear until she was 45 - just a year ago. At that time the great reptiles, including the dinosaurs, came into existence and the breakup of the last supercontinent was in progress.

The dinosaurs passed away eight months ago and the early mammal replaced them. In the middle of last week, in Africa, some manlike apes developed into apelike man and at the weekend mother earth began shivering with the latest series of extremely cold ice-ages. Just over four hours have elapsed since a new species HomoSapiens came into existence and in the last hour it invented agriculture and settled down.Just about 30 minutes back the pre-harappan and early harappan cultures started developing. Just about 14 minutes back, Buddha delivered his first sermon at sarnath, and the Mauryan empire flourished 12 minutes back. Harsha gave all, whatever he had, the religious assembly at prayag about 7 minutes back, and Akbar made a pilgrimage to sufi saint Salim Chisti just about 2 minutes back. India became a proud independent nation hardly two seconds back.
Source: XIth standard Ancient india NCERT book.

Would you give me a soft loan of 1 lakh? i'll return it in one day :)

A report on earth

Prologue:
[Cartosat II of ISRO (Indian satellite research organisation) picks up weird signals while in orbit around earth. It carefully records these cryptic messages and sends it back to the ground station. After much labour, the message is deciphered and here it is for your readership]

Beep Beep. Sending a summary about the third rock from this obscure star (the earthlings call it sun). Our intuition is right! There is some form of primitive life form in this small rock earth.
Presently this habitat can be seen to be dominated by a species which is addressed to as the mankind. This species is spread all around the rock though not uniformly distributed. Since the star (sun) heats up the surface of this planet differently at different places, it can be seen that the species is differently burnt. The ones occupying the centre of the rock are burnt more than the ones living on the fringes. It is evident that the ones that are not as burnt as the ones living near the equator (centre of the planet) have a sense of superiority over the partially and the completely burnt ones.

Presently this species which has taken control of earth can be seen to convert all forms of life to its own self for no obvious reasons. But it has been quite successful in this mission – their numbers have grown close to 7 billion. The reason behind this cannot be attributed to a possible attack on our establishments near andromeda considering its technological backwardness. For example, this species has fixed an upper bound on the velocity of its vehicles at the speed of light and it considers taking a few snaps of itself from some distance from its surface a great achievement. Some sections of this species are however against such a ruthless conversion exercise. This group is also against consumption of other creatures and advocate on the dependence on green leaves and other such support mechanisms instead. Chief among the reasons for this insistence is that they argue that other forms of life have something called “emotions”. However an overwhelming majority of these creatures that preach this principle can be seen to be wearing accessories made out of skin of other thick skinned creatures that are not active after the skin is taken away from them. Perhaps these thick skinned creatures don’t have afore mentioned “emotions”.


The species is divided into two primary groups- one of them can be seen to go behind the other for an instant personal gratification. It requires a pair (one from each group) to produce another creature of the same species. About one of the groups, it can be clearly seen, the best way to reach its heart (organ of satisfaction) is through its stomach. The process is slightly complex for the other- it requires mining of rare metals, careful enrichment of their ores must precede melting and casting them into different shapes.

This mankind depends on dark rocks and fluid substance found beneath its surface to fuel its vehicles and some smoking chimneys (which are known as ‘factories’ among the earth folk). This act of mankind has upset the normal working of the system of earth. It has destroyed the protective covering of gas around the planet which is known as the ‘Atmosphere’. Some groups of this species have raised their opposition against this unscrupulous activity which could endanger its own sustenance in this planet. Some of these influential groups have been successful in preventing the setting up of smoking chimneys in some of the darker sections of the earth. It is an irony that these groups are based out of the same place on earth which causes maximum destruction to earth’s atmosphere. The reason behind using such a suicidal method of obtaining fuel is not known given the fact that sun (an infinite source of energy) is less than half a light year’s distance from this place.

About its culture, it can be seen that the whole mankind celebrates an event called the ‘new year’ by assembling at a common place and shaking itself to curious angles and gulping down fermented liquid. This ‘new year’ is celebrated on account of the earth successfully completing a lap around the sun and starting the next round. However it’s a surprise again as to how this species found the starting and ending point of an elliptical closed plane which has no beginning or end.
Mankind has been giving many paradoxes for our mission control to solve. However the Holocene phenomena could be predicted not to last for long to pose a threat to us since they are not even half as powerful and imposing as their Jurrasic counterparts that once dominated the same surface. Its genetic system is also corrupted with self destructing tendencies and hence will not cause much harm to us. However the only scope for its survival depends much on a person who presently lives in a place which hosts 1/6th of the mankind. This person is seen to be busy preparing for some examination presently.

A letter from a S/w Engineer to his mom

Dear mom,
Pranams. Did the money-order i sent reach you on time? You will be happy to know that i am not working late these days. Infact, I come home early by 10. I cannot believe that i have time to shave, eat dinner, and sleep everyday. Not everyone has the same luck as i have. My collegues are jealous of me . I know its all because of your Aashirvaad.

However, I will be put into a new assignment shortly and it will be the same old schedule of coming back home at 2 in the morning. A couple of months backm, while i was walking back home late, i accidentally stepped over two dogs that were busy mating. They didnt spare me ..ouch it hurts even now :(

Shanthi called me this evening. I know you would hate to even hear the name of your daughter-in -law who deserted me. I gave everything to her - the best home, comfort, a lot of money to spend, yet she kept finding fault with me. Its been two years since that fateful midnight when she picked up a quarrel with me for coming home late and decided to separate.

She called me up to inform that she's pregnant. Isn't that a happy news mom? I feel very happy. Your prayers have been answered. Our parampara will grow. I wish papa were alive to hear this good news.

I read a piece of news this morning which greatly upset me. A man who was always found in the company of children, used them to satisfy his sexual needs. He gave chocolates to tempt them to yield.
It's very depressing to know that such cruel exploitations exist in the world even today.

Before i forget, I've been chosen to lead the team to work on a new assignment. This is a very demanding work and i would be required to stay for days together at office. My manager personally called me into his room to announce my pay hike. I feel so happy and elated. My company is the best in recognising talent. They've recognised mine so many times. :)

This extra money that i earn will be helpful in buying my new home at 'sava- pura'. I was lucky to get the last apartment before it was taken up by someone else. Once i buy the apartment, you can come and stay with me. I hope all this will come to frution in five years.
Take care of yourself mom. You're the only one i have and you're aging. I will try to come and meet you soon.

Your son
Chintu
Project leader,
XYZ software Systems
with 500 branches in 400 countries.
No.1 in software solutions

Sexual harassment - the other side

One of the main reasons that make a professional stay in the same job is the notice period that he will have to serve if he opts to quit. Imagine sitting in your desk imagining about your next job when you're asked to work on some boring project. I believe every company has such projects exclusively reserved for those employees serving their notice period. Such projects typically require as much effort as a yukozona or a sumo wrestler would require crushing a mosquito to death. But if you're bent upon stretching it to 30 days, you could make use of an illiterate blind guy without his 2 limbs to work on the coding part.

But then every thing has its own benefits. Shouldn't we be eternal optimists? An optimist is a person who likes the donut for its smell and taste while a pessimist looks at the hole in it. The guy in American Pie, who put the innocent donut to good use, must be an opportunist.

Lets get back to the issue on hand.

There are many ways to get out of the company soon. Some of them are
1. Damaging company's resource(s).
Although this might seem to be the easiest way out, it has its own repercussions. You might get into legal issues or if you had damaged some sensitive server, you could be 'treated' by the company employed goondas.

2. Email the CEO telling him that he doesn't have the balls to fire you.
Again, a very effective method to make a quick exit. The CEO would certainly fire you to show his authority over you. But the problem is that you'd soon become the laughing stock of the entire company. The news will reach the other companies (courtesy: Free pool). The CEO will invariably point you as an example when he talks to new recruits.

3. You can be highly unproductive.
Imagine you're given a dead line tomorrow and you go to your Project Manager and coolly ask him/her to go with you for a cup of tea. Although a lot of guys have been show the door for doing it, you stand the risk of being sent to training sessions for attitude change! The chances are more if you work for big companies where employees are transported into the company using trucks. Worse still, what would you do if your PM agrees to go with you for a cup of tea ;)

Sexual harassment, therefore, seems to be the only way to a safe and quick exit. Its one method that's hassle free and time tested. Perhaps, Phaneesh murthy only wanted to join Iflex a little early. But then, what if the person whom you harass sexually co-operates! Isn't it a win-win situation anyway ?;)

Café au lait

Perhaps there is no other beverage equivalent to a hot cup of steaming madras filter coffee (pronounced in most homes here as kaapi). I haven’t tried marijuana yet, and am not planning to.

An average madrasi wakes up listening to MS subbalakshmi’s Suprabharatham and sits to read the morning daily with a hot cup of coffee by his side. It feels like your sleepy senses are hit by a base ball bat with every sip of this divine drink.

Among other uses, coffee has certain medicinal values as well. It is the best download accelerator ever invented by man. The tenth minute after drinking a cuppa coffee, you’d find yourself in Mother Nature’s lap answering her call promptly. Many people believe that this property of coffee is the reason behind naming the programming language JAVA (JAVA in Hebrew means coffee). Haven’t you heard people saying that JAVA scares the shit out of them?

Although not proven, coffee increases your will power and determination. There are references to prove that the Iron man of India, Sardar vallabhai patel, drank two cups of it every day. Patel was once arguing in the court when the news of the sudden demise of his wife reached him. He maintained his cool and continued with the case. An ordinary soul wouldn’t have been able to contain the excitement and joy and must have started celebrating thereby attracting the contempt of the court.

Instant coffee is another variety which can be used alternately for hair dyeing. Prolonged consumption of it turns your hair white. Jokes apart, we must restrict ourselves to not more than two cups of coffee per day. The ‘cups’ you get in coffee day or other such places fall under a differenet category called bathtubs. A cup is strictly any vessel that can hold not more than 250 ml of liquid and doesn’t pose a threat for anyone to trip and fall into it.

Testimonials – Let’s mean them

Online communities such as Orkut lets you find friends. You’ll love these portals more if your ‘here for:’ section says ‘women (dating)’. Most women post their photos posing sideways to the camera. Incidentally, this is the same crowd that complains that men don’t look at their eyes while speaking.

Among innumerable ways of winning a women’s heart, such as buying jewellery by burning one’s pocket to the other cost effective ways such as writing poems which involves using a lot of grey cells, Testimonials seem to be a better option. It also saves you from entering the elite club of ‘worst pick up lines’. Tell a woman that she’s got a beautiful smile and she’ll respond to you, or at least you can expect a scrap in return.

But what does one mean by a thousand watt smile? I didn’t know that you could measure the wattage of a smile. I know that a woman’s smile is powerful, but didn’t quite think it had a S.I unit.

A testimonial is expressing admiration or appreciation of a person. It has to be earned, not gifted. I find every third person a ‘genius’, every second ‘a really cool guy’, and almost everyone ‘smart, talented and lively’ - no wonder India is churning out entrepreneurs in a hurry.

Mr. ‘cool guy’, in reality could be a person who would pee in his pants when the exam results come out, and the ‘lively’ character could be someone who would brush his teeth once a week to save himself from the tiring exercise of brushing everyday. What can I say about those ‘...I am sure he’ll be a rocket scientist in life’? Let’s hope to see such bright young men as the future presidents of India like kalam.
Most of us become generous while writing somebody’s testimonial – it’s after all a bunch of words isn’t it?

Hard pressed for time

Once a person is gainfully employed, he/she has to forget about personal life for sometime. But ‘sometime’ can extend up to well over a few years, and in some cases up to the age of 58. Things that were once taken for granted during college days, such as jogging along the shores of marina, reading newspaper after lunch and falling asleep, hanging out with friends, chatting for long hours over phone have all come under ‘things to do’ in the personal reminder.

Working for long hours should not be a problem to a bachelor, but I find my seniors (who’re married) working for the same number of hours. Of course, one’s wanting to go early largely depends on his/her spouse back home. They probably find work more interesting. There’s one more problem in being a programmer...err don’t call them problems, they’re issues. Programming is like women, elusive when you go behind but when you stop caring, comes back to give you a nudge.

Weekend is a paradox; because the weeks don’t end (but hey! Do you find a school of fish carry books along?). I find myself working for some dead line or the other. Dead lines give you turbulent sleeps, perhaps that’s why they are called so. Never mind, we Indians carry a lot of burden on our shoulders at young ages, may be that’s why India’s hope for an Olympic gold lies in weight lifting.

When it’s not your day

when it’s not your day, you’ll helplessly watch a meek mouse shaking its bum against your face. I had a similar experience a few days back. Luckily no rodent was involved.

How do you feel when you find 5 minutes before a party that you do not have the right clothes to wear? Someone who is as close as the (only) husband of your mom picks up a random sample from a heap of clothes and convinces you about its aptness for the occasion. Never believe any ‘honest’ opinions of people involved in the business of convincing others. Diplomats are people who tell you such things about hell that you’ll actually look forward to making a trip there on a tourist visa.

Finally at the party, I discovered much to my dismay that I was wearing mismatched clothes. Some young cute females shook hands with me. I am sure they got reminded of the clown outside amusement parks.

As if this was not enough, I was asked to welcome people at the party. The problem in inviting people to your party is simple. You’ll have to lie. I found myself welcoming everyone with a broad smile and a “we’re so honoured with your presence” when actually I would be happy if I don’t meet a few of them again.

By the way, I lost my cell phone in the midst of all this. I was caught between searching for my indispensable hand held device and wearing a false smile in inviting people. When I found time to search for it, I searched every nook and corner. I found that the loo doesn’t have a clean commode. But my cell phone was never to be seen. I called up the service provider’s number to know what I can do best given the predicament. I had to go through this.

* Kindly press 1 for Tamil, 2 for Hindi, 3 for English
* 1 if you’re a hutch subscriber, 2 it you’re not.
* Your 10 digit number
* You’ve entered 9884125315
* press 1 to confirm
* press 2 to reject
* press 1 to know information about offices, 2 for Uk services, 3 for information of products and services, 4 for information on offices, 0 to go back ….

…And I decided that I can live without my cell phone.

P.S :I didn't know where to fit this in. Every Ganesha idol sees atleast 10,000 homes before it is bundled and gifted the 10,001 th time.

A Software engineer's life

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience?
If all of us are programmers, where are the users?

I joined a software firm on (9/05/2005) - ah finally there is a place that'll show the doj of my first job :)

We had to go through a lot of training, and I can tell you that software development is not among the most interesting things to do on earth - think of writing documentation for things you otherwise considered as paraphernalia.

Software jargons are important to software development - that's the general consensus. Usage of words such as SAP, iRR, CASE, Rational Robot etc increases your credibility in the organisation. When such words are presented to a fresher, it feels like one is hit by a tsunami without a forewarning.

Idea: We can store all these abbreviations with their expansions into a common database. Call it the Storage of Highlycomplex words in Information Technology, in short SHIT.

The Air conditioner in our training room is set to a temperature which could be used to preserve canned fish- It’s freezing. Every one hour I use the loo. A connection from all our tummies could possibly solve chennai’s water crisis.

The lecturers go on and on with their slides like one of those prime time tele-serials (the mega serials). One would find them saying the same thing after waking up from a small nap. We would almost develop snow around our nose by the end of a session because of the cold. In one of these days, infact, ice cubes were reported in the toilet after I used it.

I must mention about the chicks in here. They’re all awesome. Women of today are bold. They stand up to things, or atleast they make things stand up ;) They serve as room heaters preventing this place from turning into ice age.

When I come out of my office, the hot weather soothes me. Fellas why do you complain about chennai’s weather?

My child hood days - a retrospect

I remember the great times i had with my lil friend Rayudu (he must've grown now) . My dad was posted in Andhra in a remote town called Gudur for about six years. He decided that it was time i went to a school, though i'd ve loved to play on my mom's lap for a few more years.I was put into the only "English" medium school - the Rose flower English medium school. I was among a few privileged children that wore trousers to school- the others wore nothing.

Gudur was famous for its lemon export business. The roads would be filled with hay and lemons, and i'd pick up a few lemons on the way back home and proudly give it to my mom to be used in cooking.

As soon as i get back home, i'd run to play with my dear friend rayudu. He didn't do any schooling, because i think his parents couldn't afford it. We always preferred the road to play for it had a nice hay cushion on it. We'd jump off the sunshade on to a heap of sand, aim stones at the pigs and frighten them away, and would sincerely imitate all their actions.

For some reason, the pigs looked more contented when they were in the drainage,and we always wanted to jump into it like them. Rayudu had done it many times though, but the thought of my mom holding a cane prevented me from joining the adventure.

My mom must have found it difficult to identify her son among a group of pigs but luckily i wore a shirt. rayudu's mom could never find him. Sundays were special to us because it meant more time together playing. We used to play the whole day unmindful to the burning heat. We used to collect burnt beedis (cigarettes) because we were fascinated by the smoke that came out of nostrils when people smoked it. I wanted to know if i was capable of producing brilliant white smoke myself but i was caught in the heroic act by my mom and punished badly :( ouch

My dad got his transfer orders in 1991 to madras. I remember it well because he used to tell me about some Gulf war and show me pictures, as if i understood. My mom was jubiliant, because she was happy in taking her son to a new city which had better schools. What she did not realise was that her son would be missing his best friend.

I am sure rayudu will not read this post. He must be working in his fields or perhaps has found a job somewhere to support his family, but i miss all good times i had with him. The thoughts however will stay with me forever.

Crazy definitions

Do you need to be told what the word ‘maintenance’ means? Most of us know it is ‘maintaining’ something. If you are not that sure about the meaning you can look it up in a dictionary. This is how my Total quality management book defines it.

“Maintenance is defined as the management, control, execution and quality
assurance of activities which ensure the achievement of optimum availability and
performance of a plant in order to meet business objectives.”

That’s an assortment of a bunch of management words. If that’s not enough this is how they define ‘planning’

“ ..the process of deciding on objectives of the organisation, on
changes on these objectives, on the resource used to attain these objectives and
on the policies that are to govern the acquisition, use and disposition of these
resources.”

The following is to be read only if the reader happens to be God. No cheating!!

Note: Dear god, have mercy on me and give me a pass mark in this exam. I admit I have written it badly but I CANNOT mug up these definitions again.