February 09, 2007

A report on earth

[Cartosat II of ISRO (Indian satellite research organisation) picks up weird signals while in orbit around earth. It carefully records these cryptic messages and sends it back to the ground station. After much labour, the message is deciphered and here it is for your readership]

Beep Beep. Sending a summary about the third rock from this obscure star (the earthlings call it sun). Our intuition is right! There is some form of primitive life form in this small rock earth.
Presently this habitat can be seen to be dominated by a species which is addressed to as the mankind. This species is spread all around the rock though not uniformly distributed. Since the star (sun) heats up the surface of this planet differently at different places, it can be seen that the species is differently burnt. The ones occupying the centre of the rock are burnt more than the ones living on the fringes. It is evident that the ones that are not as burnt as the ones living near the equator (centre of the planet) have a sense of superiority over the partially and the completely burnt ones.

Presently this species which has taken control of earth can be seen to convert all forms of life to its own self for no obvious reasons. But it has been quite successful in this mission – their numbers have grown close to 7 billion. The reason behind this cannot be attributed to a possible attack on our establishments near andromeda considering its technological backwardness. For example, this species has fixed an upper bound on the velocity of its vehicles at the speed of light and it considers taking a few snaps of itself from some distance from its surface a great achievement. Some sections of this species are however against such a ruthless conversion exercise. This group is also against consumption of other creatures and advocate on the dependence on green leaves and other such support mechanisms instead. Chief among the reasons for this insistence is that they argue that other forms of life have something called “emotions”. However an overwhelming majority of these creatures that preach this principle can be seen to be wearing accessories made out of skin of other thick skinned creatures that are not active after the skin is taken away from them. Perhaps these thick skinned creatures don’t have afore mentioned “emotions”.

The species is divided into two primary groups- one of them can be seen to go behind the other for an instant personal gratification. It requires a pair (one from each group) to produce another creature of the same species. About one of the groups, it can be clearly seen, the best way to reach its heart (organ of satisfaction) is through its stomach. The process is slightly complex for the other- it requires mining of rare metals, careful enrichment of their ores must precede melting and casting them into different shapes.

This mankind depends on dark rocks and fluid substance found beneath its surface to fuel its vehicles and some smoking chimneys (which are known as ‘factories’ among the earth folk). This act of mankind has upset the normal working of the system of earth. It has destroyed the protective covering of gas around the planet which is known as the ‘Atmosphere’. Some groups of this species have raised their opposition against this unscrupulous activity which could endanger its own sustenance in this planet. Some of these influential groups have been successful in preventing the setting up of smoking chimneys in some of the darker sections of the earth. It is an irony that these groups are based out of the same place on earth which causes maximum destruction to earth’s atmosphere. The reason behind using such a suicidal method of obtaining fuel is not known given the fact that sun (an infinite source of energy) is less than half a light year’s distance from this place.

About its culture, it can be seen that the whole mankind celebrates an event called the ‘new year’ by assembling at a common place and shaking itself to curious angles and gulping down fermented liquid. This ‘new year’ is celebrated on account of the earth successfully completing a lap around the sun and starting the next round. However it’s a surprise again as to how this species found the starting and ending point of an elliptical closed plane which has no beginning or end.
Mankind has been giving many paradoxes for our mission control to solve. However the Holocene phenomena could be predicted not to last for long to pose a threat to us since they are not even half as powerful and imposing as their Jurrasic counterparts that once dominated the same surface. Its genetic system is also corrupted with self destructing tendencies and hence will not cause much harm to us. However the only scope for its survival depends much on a person who presently lives in a place which hosts 1/6th of the mankind. This person is seen to be busy preparing for some examination presently.