World 2050

I have presented a critique of the world order in the year 2050A.D. This might hurt you more than just a bit if you stand for capitalism, nuclear non-proliferation, market controlled economy and other evil things on earth.

An article from a leading daily in the year 2050 A.D…

Sub-Prime Marriage Crisis rocks the world….(11.06.2050)
Sub-Prime Marriage is a highly complex financial instrument which had entered the stock markets recently. The sub-prime marriage loans were widely given to Americans who wanted to get married without having enough cash on hands to ring their wedding bells. The couples agreed to pay a fixed interest to the bank as long as they stayed in the marriage without getting divorced. However the problem started when the banks lent these loans to unscrupulous couples who had no intention of staying together for long. The banks started making heavy losses when most of the marriages ended in divorce prematurely. This forced the clever banks to shift their losses to the people and markets by making complex instruments called Credit derivative obligations (CDO) out of the pre nuptial agreements.

These ‘sub-prime’ loans were unfortunately given ‘AAA’ (the best rating possible) by the credit rating agencies like the Poor &Very Poor, MoodyRaters and others without reading their recklessly written pre-nuptial agreements. Thus many investors believing them to be promising investments invested their hard earned cash. When the marriage-linked financial instrument started failing, the markets went bearish and the economy went into recession. The Central bank chief Mr. Bumbake urged Americans to stay in their marriage for long to help their country bail out of recession.

The chief of Banks’ association who did not admit that sub-prime Marriage stocks were an example of the failure of Capitalism retorted angrily that it was in fact a different form of socialism in which the ‘profits are privatized while the losses are socialised’.

US prez replies to subprime- Marriage Crisis ( 12.06.2050)
... Uncle Sam blamed the developing nations - especially India and China for the present recession in the world. He pointed out how the people of these two nations were eating a lot which resulted in spiraling of world prices. He also pointed out that the world must learn to live like his countrymen who use minimum resources for their living. When a reporter interrupted the president and informed him that it was his honorable country men who used papers right from sneezing to shitting which caused enormous pressure on the tress of the world, the president cut the reporter short by saying “Those trees are got from Africa where dragons fly and humans don’t live anyway”. He was greeted by a wide round of applause.

The President continued his speech by saying that the hike in world prices of oil is due to the uranium enrichment programme carried out in the ‘secret establishments’ of the oil-and-gas-rich-yet-impoverished state of Mamalia in the sub-saharan Africa. He said Mamalia was posing a grave threat to humanity and it must immediately discontinue its uranium enrichment program. It is pertinent to note that the UN has released its AYCR (As if You Care to Read) document promptly to condemn USA’s intention. The President however asked his army to be ready to save the motherland from the enemy.

Mamalia’s Response (13.06.2050)
The oil-and-gas-rich-yet-impoverished state of Mamalia had replied that its top bureaucrats had heard of the name ‘Uranium’ only once before the US President had accused Mamalia of enriching it -in a spielberg movie. The Mamalian president who had recently won an election without even participating in it angrily shot back at USA by saying ‘USA will bite dust if they war with us’. He admitted that if Mamalia had enough money to buy uranium its citizens would give themselves a good shave everyday.

The Mamalian president replied irritatingly to a question on how he won the election without competing in it by saying “Mamalia has its own form of democracy in which the opponents to the ruling party lose everytime.”